Today I officially had the worst day of my life at work. Honestly. I never cried at my work before. But it was just too much for me.
I believe I worked 30 minutes, when I heard from 2 persons: "Can't you shut up for a minute?!"
I was only muttering to myself, and I said: "Hey, I have a right to talk as well!"
Bitch: "No, because your voice annoys me."
I was so pissed off: "FINE! Then I won't speak any more, FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!"
Bitch: "Hah, she'll never be able to do that. As soon as she's alone with Angel, it's blah blah blah blah!"
But I was silent. Furious as hell but silent. Finally bitch left, and a guy said (he didn't mean it that bad): "You know, you may talk."
But then something snapped. "Oh, I MAY talk?! How great that I have PERMISSION to speak!" I cried for the first time of my life (on my work).
Didn't they realise how much it hurt me? Couldn't they see my anger- let alone HEAR it when I snapped that I would be silent for the rest of the day?
I hate Bitch. I thought the relation between her and me was becoming better, but she's an ass!
GUESS WHAT BITCH! I AM ALLOWED TO TALK AND YOU'D BETTER SHUT UP YOURSELF!
She makes me so furious. I hope you trip and fall in a dogpile.

I met an old classmater today. One thing about him (aside the fact that's he's cool ^_^):

He talks just as much as I do.

There.

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

WARNING! This post has a high whining and complaint level. If you can't handle that, then don't read this. Also, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take this personal or blame yourself. This is just a description how I FEEL, and NO ONE is to blame for this!

Well, it's that time again. My depression is so back. I've tried to fight it for 2 days now- hoping I wouldn't get depressed again. Yesterday I had so much fun at Uum's that I completely forgot about it. But when I stepped into the train, it slowly came crawling back.
Feeling sad is bad enough. But I can DESCRIBE EXACTLY what I feel. And that's the worst part, because that isn't true at all!!
I suddenly feel so empty; and I even feel that no one gives a damn about me. That's not true- I already have at least 10 people who care about me. Half of them... just isn't here...
Feeling empty is one part. I just long for someone to hold me and comfort me. But...
The worst part about this depression is also the biggest lie. I keep on feeling I have given and done so much, and that I hardly got anything back in return. Not true- I even got gifts from across the ocean! How many people have that?! But I just keep feeling that I continue giving and giving, working so hard, and getting hardly anything in return...
And what goes with it are 2 expression I heard more often than you can imagine the past 2 weeks. 'Wow, you really talk a lot!' and 'Do you ever keep your mouth?' When complete strangers say it, it just bothers me, but when my mom today joked: 'Hey, give me some candy because this conversation is really silent today! You usually talk so much...' I couldn't take it any more.
And then those sweet people around me. They keep on saying: 'Oh, I know how you feel...' (How can you? You are not me...), and even the typical: 'Why didn't I notice?'
Maybe because I don't want to be depressed. I'm not the kind of person who goes screaming 'Hey, I'm depressed, cheer me up!!!'.
Strange... in my whole life, I only heard once: 'Are you okay? You are so silent'. Too bad I wasn't down back then. I was just busy with typing a story (and I had told him that).
But I don't think I can handle one more: 'SSHHHH!'. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to talk. Who cares if I have a loud voice! I know everybody means it so well, but I just want to be loved and being... me.

Lately I'm having a lot of dreams that include quitting. Everyone around me just keeps on saying: 'What's the use?' in my dreams, or just makes me feel like that. Should I quit with school? Hell no! I'm going to finish what I started!!!
So stop giving me those damned dreams!!!

Also, I saw my newest dog. The cutey is only 2 weeks old and still swims instead of walks XD Such a cutey. And her name MAY be: Leonieke's Kawaii Kayoubiko Batjoy - Frodo for short. Don't look at me!!! *points at mother* It just takes a while to get used to the name XD.

What more, what more? I only have to make 2 more calendar pages, and finish one. As soon as Uum checks the days, as well as the text (which I still have so send) the calendar is actually ready to print!!!.
As for the Christmas card....I'll probably draw ChibiLuna again XD. She's just cute and all.

I'm actually posting something just because I want to post XD. I have nothing to tell. Today's scedule: Calendar page and Paint Shop Pro for school. Poooooor me. Calendar is okay, PSP SUCKS XD. I'm already halfway done.

Also, a girl at my work thinks I'm nuts and that she's superiour. She's 17 years old and has Twinky written all over it. She actually kept on complaining what her new job description would be, because of 5 minutes of change. Isn't it easier to give me my old job back and her the other one? Otherwise you had 2 people to train, and now only one. She stopped complaining when it turned out the manager had miscalculated and she got more than an hour extra paid. Loser. At least I'm happy with my 4.20 hours to work.
And she thinks she has right to speak. I work there for about 4-5 years now. And she worked here less than a year. And yet she thinks she has more right to speak than I do.
Respect is something you have to earn, not something you can claim. She thinks she's all high and mighty and that I'm a loser. At least I enjoy my life and am not worried about (group)pressure that much ^_^. I am who I am.

Also, a shameless plug: - My newest dolls.

And I had a bad dream. Bad dreams sucks. It feels terrible to be hated by all, and when you help others, they hate you more. So much hate in one dream...
A while ago I had an other dream, and there I felt what true peace and love was like. That was so great.
That dream with hate in it... I don't recall a dream like that before. But why should I worry? I'm not going on a school camp any more, so this can't happen again... can it?

Isn't it strange? Each time my parents go away on vacation, I'm afraid to go to bed. I don't like being all alone in this 'big' house (not that it's so big, but it is twice as big now because it's empty), and all my friends don't have vacation yet T_T Pity me.
Oh well, I should draw today =D Yeah! Going on with the calendar =D

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/animegenies/

This Yahoogroup is owned by Anime Sultan. Regular readers can already do the math. Newbies: He steals art. This time not mine, but almost every single bit from Demitri Scaramanga and Serenay Moon (and Sunrise, his own series).

If there is someone who kicks him between the legs, note me, and I'll draw you (almost) whatever you want. I do need proof though.

I just got another report back. A 9 out of 10. Again. And the teacher's comment: You really put a lot of effort in this!

No. I did not. Yes, it did depress and affect me, this report about child abusement, but really worked hard? Nah, not really.

This is how it goes on school:
I work hard, get an 8 or 9, and get 1 credit-point for it (we need 42 credits for each year)
I don't work hard at all, get a 7 or even higher, and still get 1 credit point.

So, even if I don't work hard at all, I still get high grades! I used to work hard for my grades on high school, where a 7 meant a 7, and a 9 meant a 9. Now I'm on a school where it doesn't matter if you get a 6 or a 10, it's still 1 credit.

I can't be proud of my reports any more *sighs*. Why even bother working hard? I'll still pass anyway....

My pc died -> My pc got revived -> My pc died again -> My pc got revived again -> Called the helpdesk to get internet back online -> Helpdesk refused to help and send me to another helpdesk without giving a number -> Other helpdesk tried to help -> internet works again.

AKA:

1. Worship my sister's boyfriend for reviving the pc twice as well as upgrading it.
2. Worship the Tiscali helpdesk and kill the KPN Helpdesk
3. Worship Togepi because it's her b-day.

I can also post normal in my blog again. YAY!!!