Well, Christmas is over for me. Somehow Christmas has not much meaning to me. Most celebrations lost their meaning. Actually, I wouldn't care if we stopped celebrating it. But that's only because it's the same each and each year. It's not special any more.
I made sushi though. And my sister liked it. My sister likes sushi. Weeee!

I also had to face some annoying kids lately. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but what bothers me is their unjustified arrogance. They are between the age of 12 and 16 and consider themselves 'full time OMG I AM GREAT' artists. And of course, they ALWAYS say: 'I started drawing at the age of 6! And now I started drawing Anime!'. Sure kid. When you were 6, you learned how to write. And your natural development of drawing started. You were NOT an artist at age 6. Pu-lease.
And what bothers me most? They tell ME, someone who started drawing at the age of 16 and is now 3 months away from being 23 (OMG I'm OLD!), that 'your style is out of proportion' and 'your coloring is funny'. And what do they want what you ask for more advise? 'The legs are way too short. In anime you have those really long arms and legs!'

........

Did anyone ever notice I DO NOT draw anime? Sure, influenced by, but it was heavily influenced by Elfquest as well. And please, I made an essay about the devellopment of children and art. A LOTof children do not get further to what they can at the age of 12. This means that if you get further, that being an artist is a GIFT, and you should thank it for being there, instead of taking it for granted and that you think the gift should thank you for allowing to be a part of you.

And to say: 'Awe, they are only kids'? Kids, yes, but this is arrogance. Most of them won't get much better or get only better at copying other people's styles. About one 3rd of them will get a unique style. The others will probably be very good at copying work from others.

Being an artist is a blessing, not something everyone can do. It's a gift you should cherish.

And no, I'm not saying: 'OOO! Thank everyone for it!'; I'm saying: Remember that being an artist asks a lot of work, but is only limited to a few people. Most people will never be able to draw what you draw. Think about that.... and then continue drawing =D Enjoy it! You have the gift!

I'm not saying I'm a good person. Or a good artist. Yes, I'm able to draw more than the average person. But am I good? I've only started about 7 years ago with drawing. In 7 years I learned a lot. But I'm not finished with learning; I never shall. Every image I draw shall have mistakes. There is no such thing as the perfect image. And still, after all that work, it's a matter of taste.

And I have my own style. No matter how much I try, that shall never change. The style I have now is a part of me. Just like my gift of drawing. And I shall never let them go, no matter what people shall say. I'm thankful for being an artist.

And to end my 'OMG Kitt you are overreacting again'-rant, a short dream again. It was one of those dreams where I had a lot of trouble opening my eyes. But I spend most of the time in a swimming pool. With one of my male friends. And before you go: AWE LOVE! - he's a LOT younger than I am, and I do not fall on VERY young men or older men XD. I don't even know his exact age by heart, but then again, I sometimes even forget my own age XD. Anyway, in this dream we played with weapons in a swimming pool. I had nifty weapons and some losers who laughed at me did NOT! XD Not that I hurt him or so. It was just for show.
And then a show started, and it turned out I (and some others) had the capability to turn into brown sharks. It turned out in some under water ballet. There was also a small girl who was up soon (she had the cutest outfit!! All pink XD), but she lost her tooth, so we had to hurry and bring it to mom XD She was my rival (kinda XD) but I simply couldn't let her cross the swimming poll by herself!
I dunno who won though. And I'm terrified of sharks XD Puu. I'm an idiot.

Also, a new character shall be introduced after seeing LotR - The 2 Towers. Yeah, mom wanted to see it. I still don't think they are great movies XD But that's just me. Probably because I write fantasy myself. Anyway, after seeing Gandalf, I got the inspiration for a new character: The Harbringer. Sometimes an old man, sometimes a fresh leaf (girl XD), bringing prophecies to those who need it.
Keiran shall get his: 'Your path shall bring death yet life, as well as betrayal and loyalty. Your path shall never be easy, and you shall lose more respect than you shall gain. But in the end, you shall do what is right... if you fully commit yourself to it.'. Well, if that isn't vague, nothing is =D

Ow.... that last cough made me feel like my lungues would explode. I knew this would be coming. For a few days I felt like I was completely dehydrated, while I drank bottle after bottle. Now it's a tad sniff-sniff, followed with minor cough-cough, but I'm afraid to really cough because of that last one O.o Kyah!

Anyway, nothing to share. When was my last post actually? Friday? Wednesday I went to the Garden Mall with grandma and mom.... Thursday an other gardenmall with mom (got these HUGE christmas balls, in blue =D Weee!) and friday... what on earth did I do on friday? I know I WANTED to write Forever Young, but dad needed the pc. Yeah, he had a valid reason. I played a bit of Knight Shift. I am so stuck. I need to get passed this crazy demon thingie, but I can't attack it... while it CAN attack ME! Puu!

I want to design Iliana and Phoebe from Forever Young Legacy. They are the future wives of Rain and Kai. The girls are non identical twins (yes, I have a thing for twins. Usually identical though. There doesn't exist an identical twin in Forever Young (yet). Only an identical triplet =P) and have a complete opposite character. Phoebe is tomboyish, while Iliana is calm and elegant.
How I can't wait to write:
It took a while before it hit him. Then Kai suddenly turned around, ran at the balcony and screamed into the air: 'I'm going to marry RAIN!!!!'
To understand this one, you would need to read Forever Young XD

I also wrote a new song for Forever Young; this time for book 2: Dream's can't die. Not that super duper happy about it. But hey, I can't even make up a cover for book 2. It was a good story to write, but the extra's are a pain XD.

There are so many character in Forever Young that still need looks. I don't know if I'll ever be done O.o I hope so anyway....

I shall get a cold. I just know it. Ever since yesterday, I feel dehydrated. Even after gulping down an entire bottle of water. So, I shall get a cold. Drats.

Anyway, today I want to share a dream, that was really cool. Please note this is a DREAM!!!! Means that it didn't really happened.

In this dream, my sister got a baby, a little baby boy. AWE! I don't know where her boyfriend was O.o he only showed up at the end of the dream. Anyway, she started living at home again, and the baby was healthy and all. After a week, it looked like it was half a year old, and the baby told me I was rude XD Yeah, after only one week, the baby already knew some words. After a month, it was still quite big, yet the name my sister had given wasn't good enough any more, so she wanted to rename him (he's not a pet you silly XD). She was thinking about Orca, but her boyfriend disagreed. I offered to look up the word Orca in different languages.
And then, all of a sudden, the boy was around 14 years old.
And that in a month time! Is my sister special or what?! ^_^

It was a funny dream. If I tell my parents about it, they'll get a heart attack or a laughing attack. If I tell my sister, she'll kill me or never give me any presents any more =P
So, I'm telling you guys!

My oh my, what a silly dream.

Mm, another dream cuz I have nothing else to share XD. I mean, how intresting is it to share I went to a Garden Mall, bought 3 awesome vases and little wings I will hang onto them? And that my christmas cards will be hella late XD?

In my dream, I continued a story (kinda) I made up as a little plot in Forever Young Sci-Fi. One of my friends was kidnapped, and I needed to search for her. I could walk through walls (even though it would become harder on the long run) and I could also fly. My friend was kindapped as bait for me, so while I was trying to get more information (in a school O.o), he always tried to trap me. Putting on alarms, trap cages, stuff like that. I escaped from all, even though I was once captured, but I don't recall freeing my friend =S.
I also met a bunch of girls and one guy who were a starting singing group (maybe the ones I taught swimming yesterday?) and one of my kids from my internship tagged along as well. He was adorable =)
A nice dream actually. When I dream I have magical powers, they usually stop working in my dreams. So I was amased I could still use magic in this dream XD

Weird.
And not intresting XD Sorry about this.

Second post of today. Why? Because I can. Isn't that enough reason? Though it shall be short. Kitt is tired. Very tired. Being tired makes her feel ill. Kitt has also been sick recently. That has made her feel ill. Because of the sickness, Kitt didn't eat or drink that much. Being hungry and thirsty isn't such a good thing either *sigh*

The celebration was great! I was so proud of my kiddies! One sang solo, and he had a real choir voice :) Also, two other kids sang a small duet; so cute! And not that bad either! I had no eyes for the other kids, only for my little darlings :)
The Christmas play was so cute as well. Two of my kids were Mary and Josef. Or how you may spell that in English. But frankly, the older kids, were the stars in my eyes. XD Especially the Ox and the Donkey, and the 3 Wise Men. They really acted :)
There was one song that always moved me, but I didn't want to cry in public. Turned out one of the teacher I know sniffed a bit XD Yay!

Downsides: remember how you often have screaming kids through a movie or so? Now, imagine a whole school like that. That annoyed me. They couldn't help themselves, but still.... and actually, my own kiddies were behaving better than the older kids XD. Also, some songs were REALLY HIGH! I couldn't reach the tone XD But being stubborn as I am, I tried anyway. Puu! Makes me tired!

I also met the partner/ collegue of my mentor, and I greeted her. We talked a bit afterwards, and she was amazed that I consider this 'Special School for kids with Special needs' like a normal school. Yes, they work on their own level of intelligence. And it doesn't look like a real school if you look at the subjects. But still... I can't help seeing this as a normal school. I explained her that of course I see differences, and that differences are important, but that I look more at what they have in common with other schools. And that's what matters to me. What we have in common.

Isn't that poetic?

(Also, I told my dad I have a lot of patience. He told me he used to have that as well, but one day I was really angry at someone and ever since that he lost that patience. Mou! Don't want that to happen with me! T_T I'm proud of my everlasting patience!)

Being sick sucks. I mean, I'm living on dry biscuits for 2 days now, and can only hold a tiny bit of normal food. You know why this sucks? I come at my internship school, and what do I find on the table? Cake, pies, cookies, candy, chocolate.... KYAAAAH!!!!

....Puu. Not fair. In addition not a single web messenger thingie allows me to sign in. Mou. Not fair part 2.

Anywway, I'm pretty exhausted. I dunno why. I slept normally, and did less then normal. So why am I tired? Also, typically the kids from my internship:
'Miss, will you come to the church tonight to join our Christmas celebration?' - Of course I will! Or am I not part of this group? - 'Yes, you are completely one of us! You belong there!'
Awe, sweet touching moment! *Sniff!* (Oo! MSN blinked on! Yay!) And then, after swimming lessons, which is about an hour later, by the same children:
'Miss, will you join us at the church tonight for the Christmas celebration?'
It makes you want to do an Animish - fall down moment, but actually, that are my kids :) They can't help it themselves :) It's a special school, and I love those kids. So moments like that are actually partly funny, and also partly annoying XD Because on a 'bad' day, I get the same question 20 times, and I only have 11 children in the class.
'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Yes, I will :) - 'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Yup - 'Miss, will you swim along?' - Well, my swimming bag is over there, what do you think? - '.......will you swim along today?' - ..... Yes, I will swim along today. - 'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Nope, will go home after lunch. - 'NU-UH! Your bag is here! And you ALWAYS swim along!'
And this is only ONE of those ZILLION moments I have with them. They really need certainty, clearance... and well, a lot of them forget easily. One of the kids even forgot the name of one of the other kids, while they go to school for months! And remembering the order of the days/ week is also hard for some.
And what to think of the Christmas Story? They hear it each year, and on an average of once a day. And when they have the pictures before them, they can't put it in the right order and retell the story.
But they can't help it. And actually, I don't really care that much. They are MY children and I love them :) No matter what other people will say! They are smart on their own way!

Also, my mentor might have given a subtile hint that she thinks I'm good enough to pass my internship. Then again, I'm not that good at subtile hints or reading between the lines XD But I'm afraid to ask as well XD I've been disappointed so often....

And I actually miss my friend Craig. It's weird going online with no one to talk to =S I'm also worried about the group Shadowed Moon. But even though my friend is on vacation, no way I will allow the owner to de-mod him because she has the chance to do so because he's on vacation. I'll fight for his mod-spot, even though I'm not a mod myself. If there is one thing I can't accept, it's unfairness to my friends.

I was sick yesterday. It took a while before I realised I was actually sick. Why? Because it was not that heavy, plus I've already been sick this year. Appearantly stomach flue is 'the hype' nowadays. Oh well. I'm almost better anyway. Funny fact though: I was AWAKE for almost 9 hours yesterday, and I STILL felt as if I slept for only 7 hours! XD

Anyway, I'm finally getting hungry again. But I still feel sick. Mou =(

Oh well, tomorrow is the last day of internship before the Christmas Break, and especially for the children, I will join their Church Ceremony. I'm not religious at all, but the only reason I'm going to that church is for the children ^_^

If I had known Full Moon (w)o Sagashite better, I might have never bought it. It's a beautiful story, and the art is good as well, but I found out it deals a lot with suicide. Maybe you didn't know this yet, but once I lost a friend because of suicide. Ever since I've been very sensitive about the subject. There was one comic in Real Life that made a joke about it, but I seriously didn't see the joke. I could have mailed the guy and told him he was insensitive, but hey, it was probably just me.
But hey, who knows. Maybe this manga will help me deal with it. Because while it turns around suicide a lot, it also turns around living on and enjoying life.
I'll keep on collecting it.

Bwech, I feel a bit sick. :( I have a rollerskates show at noon, and one thing of homework I MUST finish for tomorrow. but maybe I'll go to bed afterwards again. My stomach feels like it's filled with bubbles.

Also, the fun dreams: using magic and then fainting letting OTHERS in the position that they have to solve it, which could be three enormous raging bulls. MUAHAHAHAHA. But... I did get the feeling... there was a boy who loved me in that dream.....

A lot of things went wrong today. Seriously. A busload of mail, delivery being late, having to work an extra hour, being exhausted, falling on the ground, having to face every hail shower ever since 11 am. And yet, even though I have so much I could complain about......I don't seem to care. A part of me must have been prepared for this. Christmas means hell. Why continue complaining then? Or maybe it wasn't so bad at all. My elbow still hurts though. The woman was worried it was slippery on her turf. I bet that if I would have told it was slippery, she would have bought a busload of salt and throw it on the stones. I bet she still feels guilty. But actually, I was tired, wanted to go home, only had to do one more street, so well eh... I just didn't pay attention ^_^' And nature has a 'nice' way of remembering you you need to pay attention XD
And those hail showers...even though there were hailstones of about 1 centimetre... I didn't seem to care. Maybe because I knew I didn't have to worry any more about getting on time back. I didn't need to go back. All I needed to get and deliver was with me. Then again, I already didn't care when I DID have time pressure

Though, very intresting. Just imagine, a dark grey sky. Where you are standing, it's just dry. And in a near distance, you suddenly see a sash of white dancing through the air. Slowy, like a wave. And then you realise that is a hailshower there, in the distance. Such an amazing sight.

I did curse btw. I was about 500 metres from home, and my legs almost refused service. I was home close, no way they would let me down now! I was tired, getting cold because of the wet snow, and actually, nature was calling as well. And that thunder was bothering me as well.

So, I got home, sat down, and appearantly I forgot to answer nature's call. And before you go HAHAHAHAHA or so, I just remembered nature called about an hour later. Yeah. I sometimes forget such things. But never an accident or so. Anyway, half an hour later my dad came home. Pissed because the store didn't had what he wanted. And then he always goes whining about I need to clean up my stuff. I just get very cranky hearing that. So, I quickly left. Also found out later I got a letter which said a drawing of mine was turned down as decoration on my bank card (yeah, we do stuff like that in the Netherlands). Mom's finally arrived. So, dad will call on monday again, and if they can't explain it, I will have to take a different image and try for the 3rd time.

Just a small note. Friday I was visiting Uumie (it was GREAT! I teased a lot though XD), and later on her boyfriend joined. Since he is cool, I didn't mind. But on the way home, a thought occured to me. I'm almost 23. 23, and not even once my heart has been in love. I've had 2 boys who loved me, so I know that it's possible for boys to love me. But why can't my heart feel love? My dream is to marry and get kids. But if it goes on like this, it seems it's one dream that shall not be ful filled.

But to end with some happy news. I bought in Eindhoven: Full Moon (w)o Sagashite 1 and 4, Shin Tenchi Muyo ehm.... 3 and 5, and Sailor Moon Manga 12, in English this time. Some things suddenly make more sense XD

Edit: Yeah, revamped the page. Was it in terrible need off. I just didn't know an image =S Hope you like it. Anyway, because the YACCS or whatever comments seem to get down very often, I shall use the blogger comment system as a backup =D. I shall also tweak a bit more with the layout.

in the past few hours I had 2 dreams about where I was encouraged to escape from oppression. I believe my sub conscious is trying to tell me something XD
Oh, and in my last dream I had 2 crows who were my friends: Smooches, a brown one, who was also a bit.... 'furry', and Crow. I took revenge with them on those who ignored me =P
And in my first dream I had to escape from some idiot, along with my family.....and Courage. To open a gate, a 6 year old needed to have blood on her hands. The kid objected of course, until she found out it was enough to prick herself XD Each time we solved a clue, one tile of the wall would change. Eventually the gate would open.
Also, and this is idiotic: I climbed on a wall to climb on a roof. Brain, did you forget I am afraid of hights?! I would never do that XD

I should blog more. Though, whatever I will say will only be complaining and stuff. Anyway, had Video-interaction today. It's so nice how people just shove things into your face and say how much you suck. Why don't people focus on good points? I'm expected to be MOTIVATED to continue working, but all I hear are the bad things; rarely the good things.
And looking for a reason outside yourself is NORMAL, not to mention HUMAN BEHAVIOUR. If you keep on looking for mistakes on your side, you get pessimistic and low self esteem. When you look for a reason on other people's sides, you are considered not being able to self reflect.

AND SINCE WHEN IS IT WRONG TO DO THINGS FOR PEOPLE?!

I mean, seriously, it's being hold against me that I get coffee for people. THAT IS BEING CALLED POLITE! Seriously. Never expected I could be TOO helpfull. I just like to help people and be a good host. Is that so wrong?

Today was a weird day. Seriously. I went to my internship all: 'ANOTHER day, puu.....', and when I came there, the teacher suddenly mentioned I had to start the day and read with a small group. I thought: 'CRAP! That's right! She did mention that! I KNEW I forgot SOMETHING!', So, I started up the day. Praying is still the hardest thing around. Seriously. I am not religious at all, and then I have to 'talk to God' with the children. Not easy. What on earth do you say to a guy when you are not certain if he exists yourself?! But I guess practise makes perfect. Thus far no complaints. I just ask him to help the children make a better day today and all, and if he wants to think about the poor children. This way these children are more aware that there are children less fortunate in the world.
Btw, I have children like Down Syndrome or very low intelligence. Kids who can't go to normal school. And I love my kiddies =)
So, I started reading, which went fairly calm. For half of the group, the book we read was too hard, while the other kids were on the right level. But I had no choice; this was the only book with enough copies for all of them! Plus, it went fairly well :) After that I put them to math, which went okay as well.
Just before PE, I got angry with a kid for a change. My mentor was happy about that; that kid should know he can't go that far any more. With me, getting angry on a child is hard. I usually feel helpless. Luckily my anger is quickly over as well, and the kid was impressed for a while.
So yeah, I felt confident. Has been a while since I felt that. It's a nice feeling. I love being confident =)

We talked to the teacher and yes, I now certainly say: SHE IS AN IDIOT! I mean, SERIOUSLY. I have to MAKE THINGS UP, and predict how children will devellop in an activity they won't be doing. Also, she can't read what the children are learning.

Well, she's already wearing glasses. Maybe she needs one that helps her think as well. I mean, seriously.... AN INSULT! A serious insult. I worked my ass of this report; one of the few reports I actually had to work for, and Miss I'm-too-good-for-actually-reading says it's not good enough.

She had to leave quickly, and she was quite bitchy. I mean, she acted like: OMG YOU ARE WRONG AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. Well, I'm SORRY that I'm pointing out OBVIOUS things. But, accepting the obvious and admitting errors is not in her dictionary.

I hope she gets scared the heck out of her on her way home. Not that anything bad happens, but that she just gets scared. Like, almost hitting a duck or so. But that nobody gets hurt or something gets damaged. And of course, no animals get hurt.

Yeah, that would be nice. That would be my revenge. Too bad that won't happen.

I hope a demon will jump out of her eggs if she wants to bake an egg. And that that demon pulls her nose (but nothing more). Yeah, that would be VERY nice.

Serves her right for being an idiot. I mean, seriously............

Ah, how nicely a day can begin... *sarcasm*
First, I finally send the packages, and one package turns out to be 40 grammes too heavy. And for that 40 grammes, I had to pay 7 euro 50 more! Gaaah! Next time, I'll stuff it till 5 kilo's! Then I'll really get something for my money. And yet, at home, the package was 1.8 kilo's on 2 different scales....

Second, I get a report back, and guess what: AGAIN what needs to be added is CLEARLY mentioned in the report, even with subtitle and all, and AGAIN the teacher has no idea what I'm trying to tell. 'I want to know which activities you pout together' - Ehm, Miss, there is a whole scedule where you wrote okay next - 'Yes, but that are only numbers, and they could mean anything!'- Okay, so the fact I have 3 activities, and within the activities mentioned when they play them, it's still not clear when my 3 activities, numbered 1 till 3, are played.
I NEED TEACHERS WITH A BRAIN! Come on teacher, if THIS isn't clear enough, it just means
my teachers are dumb. Seriously. What needs to be added is once again a complete INSULT to me. And then people complain I don't read well enough.

Third, the post office clerck got annoyed by me. First he was all nice, but after he hit his knee, his mood changed. CAN I HELP IT I HAVE A LIFE?! And what the freak do you mean: students have all the time of the world?! Am I picking my nose or so????