WARNING! This post has a high whining and complaint level. If you can't handle that, then don't read this. Also, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take this personal or blame yourself. This is just a description how I FEEL, and NO ONE is to blame for this!

Well, it's that time again. My depression is so back. I've tried to fight it for 2 days now- hoping I wouldn't get depressed again. Yesterday I had so much fun at Uum's that I completely forgot about it. But when I stepped into the train, it slowly came crawling back.
Feeling sad is bad enough. But I can DESCRIBE EXACTLY what I feel. And that's the worst part, because that isn't true at all!!
I suddenly feel so empty; and I even feel that no one gives a damn about me. That's not true- I already have at least 10 people who care about me. Half of them... just isn't here...
Feeling empty is one part. I just long for someone to hold me and comfort me. But...
The worst part about this depression is also the biggest lie. I keep on feeling I have given and done so much, and that I hardly got anything back in return. Not true- I even got gifts from across the ocean! How many people have that?! But I just keep feeling that I continue giving and giving, working so hard, and getting hardly anything in return...
And what goes with it are 2 expression I heard more often than you can imagine the past 2 weeks. 'Wow, you really talk a lot!' and 'Do you ever keep your mouth?' When complete strangers say it, it just bothers me, but when my mom today joked: 'Hey, give me some candy because this conversation is really silent today! You usually talk so much...' I couldn't take it any more.
And then those sweet people around me. They keep on saying: 'Oh, I know how you feel...' (How can you? You are not me...), and even the typical: 'Why didn't I notice?'
Maybe because I don't want to be depressed. I'm not the kind of person who goes screaming 'Hey, I'm depressed, cheer me up!!!'.
Strange... in my whole life, I only heard once: 'Are you okay? You are so silent'. Too bad I wasn't down back then. I was just busy with typing a story (and I had told him that).
But I don't think I can handle one more: 'SSHHHH!'. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to talk. Who cares if I have a loud voice! I know everybody means it so well, but I just want to be loved and being... me.