Well, Christmas is over for me. Somehow Christmas has not much meaning to me. Most celebrations lost their meaning. Actually, I wouldn't care if we stopped celebrating it. But that's only because it's the same each and each year. It's not special any more.
I made sushi though. And my sister liked it. My sister likes sushi. Weeee!

I also had to face some annoying kids lately. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but what bothers me is their unjustified arrogance. They are between the age of 12 and 16 and consider themselves 'full time OMG I AM GREAT' artists. And of course, they ALWAYS say: 'I started drawing at the age of 6! And now I started drawing Anime!'. Sure kid. When you were 6, you learned how to write. And your natural development of drawing started. You were NOT an artist at age 6. Pu-lease.
And what bothers me most? They tell ME, someone who started drawing at the age of 16 and is now 3 months away from being 23 (OMG I'm OLD!), that 'your style is out of proportion' and 'your coloring is funny'. And what do they want what you ask for more advise? 'The legs are way too short. In anime you have those really long arms and legs!'

........

Did anyone ever notice I DO NOT draw anime? Sure, influenced by, but it was heavily influenced by Elfquest as well. And please, I made an essay about the devellopment of children and art. A LOTof children do not get further to what they can at the age of 12. This means that if you get further, that being an artist is a GIFT, and you should thank it for being there, instead of taking it for granted and that you think the gift should thank you for allowing to be a part of you.

And to say: 'Awe, they are only kids'? Kids, yes, but this is arrogance. Most of them won't get much better or get only better at copying other people's styles. About one 3rd of them will get a unique style. The others will probably be very good at copying work from others.

Being an artist is a blessing, not something everyone can do. It's a gift you should cherish.

And no, I'm not saying: 'OOO! Thank everyone for it!'; I'm saying: Remember that being an artist asks a lot of work, but is only limited to a few people. Most people will never be able to draw what you draw. Think about that.... and then continue drawing =D Enjoy it! You have the gift!

I'm not saying I'm a good person. Or a good artist. Yes, I'm able to draw more than the average person. But am I good? I've only started about 7 years ago with drawing. In 7 years I learned a lot. But I'm not finished with learning; I never shall. Every image I draw shall have mistakes. There is no such thing as the perfect image. And still, after all that work, it's a matter of taste.

And I have my own style. No matter how much I try, that shall never change. The style I have now is a part of me. Just like my gift of drawing. And I shall never let them go, no matter what people shall say. I'm thankful for being an artist.

And to end my 'OMG Kitt you are overreacting again'-rant, a short dream again. It was one of those dreams where I had a lot of trouble opening my eyes. But I spend most of the time in a swimming pool. With one of my male friends. And before you go: AWE LOVE! - he's a LOT younger than I am, and I do not fall on VERY young men or older men XD. I don't even know his exact age by heart, but then again, I sometimes even forget my own age XD. Anyway, in this dream we played with weapons in a swimming pool. I had nifty weapons and some losers who laughed at me did NOT! XD Not that I hurt him or so. It was just for show.
And then a show started, and it turned out I (and some others) had the capability to turn into brown sharks. It turned out in some under water ballet. There was also a small girl who was up soon (she had the cutest outfit!! All pink XD), but she lost her tooth, so we had to hurry and bring it to mom XD She was my rival (kinda XD) but I simply couldn't let her cross the swimming poll by herself!
I dunno who won though. And I'm terrified of sharks XD Puu. I'm an idiot.

Also, a new character shall be introduced after seeing LotR - The 2 Towers. Yeah, mom wanted to see it. I still don't think they are great movies XD But that's just me. Probably because I write fantasy myself. Anyway, after seeing Gandalf, I got the inspiration for a new character: The Harbringer. Sometimes an old man, sometimes a fresh leaf (girl XD), bringing prophecies to those who need it.
Keiran shall get his: 'Your path shall bring death yet life, as well as betrayal and loyalty. Your path shall never be easy, and you shall lose more respect than you shall gain. But in the end, you shall do what is right... if you fully commit yourself to it.'. Well, if that isn't vague, nothing is =D

Ow.... that last cough made me feel like my lungues would explode. I knew this would be coming. For a few days I felt like I was completely dehydrated, while I drank bottle after bottle. Now it's a tad sniff-sniff, followed with minor cough-cough, but I'm afraid to really cough because of that last one O.o Kyah!

Anyway, nothing to share. When was my last post actually? Friday? Wednesday I went to the Garden Mall with grandma and mom.... Thursday an other gardenmall with mom (got these HUGE christmas balls, in blue =D Weee!) and friday... what on earth did I do on friday? I know I WANTED to write Forever Young, but dad needed the pc. Yeah, he had a valid reason. I played a bit of Knight Shift. I am so stuck. I need to get passed this crazy demon thingie, but I can't attack it... while it CAN attack ME! Puu!

I want to design Iliana and Phoebe from Forever Young Legacy. They are the future wives of Rain and Kai. The girls are non identical twins (yes, I have a thing for twins. Usually identical though. There doesn't exist an identical twin in Forever Young (yet). Only an identical triplet =P) and have a complete opposite character. Phoebe is tomboyish, while Iliana is calm and elegant.
How I can't wait to write:
It took a while before it hit him. Then Kai suddenly turned around, ran at the balcony and screamed into the air: 'I'm going to marry RAIN!!!!'
To understand this one, you would need to read Forever Young XD

I also wrote a new song for Forever Young; this time for book 2: Dream's can't die. Not that super duper happy about it. But hey, I can't even make up a cover for book 2. It was a good story to write, but the extra's are a pain XD.

There are so many character in Forever Young that still need looks. I don't know if I'll ever be done O.o I hope so anyway....

I shall get a cold. I just know it. Ever since yesterday, I feel dehydrated. Even after gulping down an entire bottle of water. So, I shall get a cold. Drats.

Anyway, today I want to share a dream, that was really cool. Please note this is a DREAM!!!! Means that it didn't really happened.

In this dream, my sister got a baby, a little baby boy. AWE! I don't know where her boyfriend was O.o he only showed up at the end of the dream. Anyway, she started living at home again, and the baby was healthy and all. After a week, it looked like it was half a year old, and the baby told me I was rude XD Yeah, after only one week, the baby already knew some words. After a month, it was still quite big, yet the name my sister had given wasn't good enough any more, so she wanted to rename him (he's not a pet you silly XD). She was thinking about Orca, but her boyfriend disagreed. I offered to look up the word Orca in different languages.
And then, all of a sudden, the boy was around 14 years old.
And that in a month time! Is my sister special or what?! ^_^

It was a funny dream. If I tell my parents about it, they'll get a heart attack or a laughing attack. If I tell my sister, she'll kill me or never give me any presents any more =P
So, I'm telling you guys!

My oh my, what a silly dream.

Mm, another dream cuz I have nothing else to share XD. I mean, how intresting is it to share I went to a Garden Mall, bought 3 awesome vases and little wings I will hang onto them? And that my christmas cards will be hella late XD?

In my dream, I continued a story (kinda) I made up as a little plot in Forever Young Sci-Fi. One of my friends was kidnapped, and I needed to search for her. I could walk through walls (even though it would become harder on the long run) and I could also fly. My friend was kindapped as bait for me, so while I was trying to get more information (in a school O.o), he always tried to trap me. Putting on alarms, trap cages, stuff like that. I escaped from all, even though I was once captured, but I don't recall freeing my friend =S.
I also met a bunch of girls and one guy who were a starting singing group (maybe the ones I taught swimming yesterday?) and one of my kids from my internship tagged along as well. He was adorable =)
A nice dream actually. When I dream I have magical powers, they usually stop working in my dreams. So I was amased I could still use magic in this dream XD

Weird.
And not intresting XD Sorry about this.

Second post of today. Why? Because I can. Isn't that enough reason? Though it shall be short. Kitt is tired. Very tired. Being tired makes her feel ill. Kitt has also been sick recently. That has made her feel ill. Because of the sickness, Kitt didn't eat or drink that much. Being hungry and thirsty isn't such a good thing either *sigh*

The celebration was great! I was so proud of my kiddies! One sang solo, and he had a real choir voice :) Also, two other kids sang a small duet; so cute! And not that bad either! I had no eyes for the other kids, only for my little darlings :)
The Christmas play was so cute as well. Two of my kids were Mary and Josef. Or how you may spell that in English. But frankly, the older kids, were the stars in my eyes. XD Especially the Ox and the Donkey, and the 3 Wise Men. They really acted :)
There was one song that always moved me, but I didn't want to cry in public. Turned out one of the teacher I know sniffed a bit XD Yay!

Downsides: remember how you often have screaming kids through a movie or so? Now, imagine a whole school like that. That annoyed me. They couldn't help themselves, but still.... and actually, my own kiddies were behaving better than the older kids XD. Also, some songs were REALLY HIGH! I couldn't reach the tone XD But being stubborn as I am, I tried anyway. Puu! Makes me tired!

I also met the partner/ collegue of my mentor, and I greeted her. We talked a bit afterwards, and she was amazed that I consider this 'Special School for kids with Special needs' like a normal school. Yes, they work on their own level of intelligence. And it doesn't look like a real school if you look at the subjects. But still... I can't help seeing this as a normal school. I explained her that of course I see differences, and that differences are important, but that I look more at what they have in common with other schools. And that's what matters to me. What we have in common.

Isn't that poetic?

(Also, I told my dad I have a lot of patience. He told me he used to have that as well, but one day I was really angry at someone and ever since that he lost that patience. Mou! Don't want that to happen with me! T_T I'm proud of my everlasting patience!)

Being sick sucks. I mean, I'm living on dry biscuits for 2 days now, and can only hold a tiny bit of normal food. You know why this sucks? I come at my internship school, and what do I find on the table? Cake, pies, cookies, candy, chocolate.... KYAAAAH!!!!

....Puu. Not fair. In addition not a single web messenger thingie allows me to sign in. Mou. Not fair part 2.

Anywway, I'm pretty exhausted. I dunno why. I slept normally, and did less then normal. So why am I tired? Also, typically the kids from my internship:
'Miss, will you come to the church tonight to join our Christmas celebration?' - Of course I will! Or am I not part of this group? - 'Yes, you are completely one of us! You belong there!'
Awe, sweet touching moment! *Sniff!* (Oo! MSN blinked on! Yay!) And then, after swimming lessons, which is about an hour later, by the same children:
'Miss, will you join us at the church tonight for the Christmas celebration?'
It makes you want to do an Animish - fall down moment, but actually, that are my kids :) They can't help it themselves :) It's a special school, and I love those kids. So moments like that are actually partly funny, and also partly annoying XD Because on a 'bad' day, I get the same question 20 times, and I only have 11 children in the class.
'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Yes, I will :) - 'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Yup - 'Miss, will you swim along?' - Well, my swimming bag is over there, what do you think? - '.......will you swim along today?' - ..... Yes, I will swim along today. - 'Miss, will you swim along today?' - Nope, will go home after lunch. - 'NU-UH! Your bag is here! And you ALWAYS swim along!'
And this is only ONE of those ZILLION moments I have with them. They really need certainty, clearance... and well, a lot of them forget easily. One of the kids even forgot the name of one of the other kids, while they go to school for months! And remembering the order of the days/ week is also hard for some.
And what to think of the Christmas Story? They hear it each year, and on an average of once a day. And when they have the pictures before them, they can't put it in the right order and retell the story.
But they can't help it. And actually, I don't really care that much. They are MY children and I love them :) No matter what other people will say! They are smart on their own way!

Also, my mentor might have given a subtile hint that she thinks I'm good enough to pass my internship. Then again, I'm not that good at subtile hints or reading between the lines XD But I'm afraid to ask as well XD I've been disappointed so often....

And I actually miss my friend Craig. It's weird going online with no one to talk to =S I'm also worried about the group Shadowed Moon. But even though my friend is on vacation, no way I will allow the owner to de-mod him because she has the chance to do so because he's on vacation. I'll fight for his mod-spot, even though I'm not a mod myself. If there is one thing I can't accept, it's unfairness to my friends.

I was sick yesterday. It took a while before I realised I was actually sick. Why? Because it was not that heavy, plus I've already been sick this year. Appearantly stomach flue is 'the hype' nowadays. Oh well. I'm almost better anyway. Funny fact though: I was AWAKE for almost 9 hours yesterday, and I STILL felt as if I slept for only 7 hours! XD

Anyway, I'm finally getting hungry again. But I still feel sick. Mou =(

Oh well, tomorrow is the last day of internship before the Christmas Break, and especially for the children, I will join their Church Ceremony. I'm not religious at all, but the only reason I'm going to that church is for the children ^_^

If I had known Full Moon (w)o Sagashite better, I might have never bought it. It's a beautiful story, and the art is good as well, but I found out it deals a lot with suicide. Maybe you didn't know this yet, but once I lost a friend because of suicide. Ever since I've been very sensitive about the subject. There was one comic in Real Life that made a joke about it, but I seriously didn't see the joke. I could have mailed the guy and told him he was insensitive, but hey, it was probably just me.
But hey, who knows. Maybe this manga will help me deal with it. Because while it turns around suicide a lot, it also turns around living on and enjoying life.
I'll keep on collecting it.

Bwech, I feel a bit sick. :( I have a rollerskates show at noon, and one thing of homework I MUST finish for tomorrow. but maybe I'll go to bed afterwards again. My stomach feels like it's filled with bubbles.

Also, the fun dreams: using magic and then fainting letting OTHERS in the position that they have to solve it, which could be three enormous raging bulls. MUAHAHAHAHA. But... I did get the feeling... there was a boy who loved me in that dream.....

A lot of things went wrong today. Seriously. A busload of mail, delivery being late, having to work an extra hour, being exhausted, falling on the ground, having to face every hail shower ever since 11 am. And yet, even though I have so much I could complain about......I don't seem to care. A part of me must have been prepared for this. Christmas means hell. Why continue complaining then? Or maybe it wasn't so bad at all. My elbow still hurts though. The woman was worried it was slippery on her turf. I bet that if I would have told it was slippery, she would have bought a busload of salt and throw it on the stones. I bet she still feels guilty. But actually, I was tired, wanted to go home, only had to do one more street, so well eh... I just didn't pay attention ^_^' And nature has a 'nice' way of remembering you you need to pay attention XD
And those hail showers...even though there were hailstones of about 1 centimetre... I didn't seem to care. Maybe because I knew I didn't have to worry any more about getting on time back. I didn't need to go back. All I needed to get and deliver was with me. Then again, I already didn't care when I DID have time pressure

Though, very intresting. Just imagine, a dark grey sky. Where you are standing, it's just dry. And in a near distance, you suddenly see a sash of white dancing through the air. Slowy, like a wave. And then you realise that is a hailshower there, in the distance. Such an amazing sight.

I did curse btw. I was about 500 metres from home, and my legs almost refused service. I was home close, no way they would let me down now! I was tired, getting cold because of the wet snow, and actually, nature was calling as well. And that thunder was bothering me as well.

So, I got home, sat down, and appearantly I forgot to answer nature's call. And before you go HAHAHAHAHA or so, I just remembered nature called about an hour later. Yeah. I sometimes forget such things. But never an accident or so. Anyway, half an hour later my dad came home. Pissed because the store didn't had what he wanted. And then he always goes whining about I need to clean up my stuff. I just get very cranky hearing that. So, I quickly left. Also found out later I got a letter which said a drawing of mine was turned down as decoration on my bank card (yeah, we do stuff like that in the Netherlands). Mom's finally arrived. So, dad will call on monday again, and if they can't explain it, I will have to take a different image and try for the 3rd time.

Just a small note. Friday I was visiting Uumie (it was GREAT! I teased a lot though XD), and later on her boyfriend joined. Since he is cool, I didn't mind. But on the way home, a thought occured to me. I'm almost 23. 23, and not even once my heart has been in love. I've had 2 boys who loved me, so I know that it's possible for boys to love me. But why can't my heart feel love? My dream is to marry and get kids. But if it goes on like this, it seems it's one dream that shall not be ful filled.

But to end with some happy news. I bought in Eindhoven: Full Moon (w)o Sagashite 1 and 4, Shin Tenchi Muyo ehm.... 3 and 5, and Sailor Moon Manga 12, in English this time. Some things suddenly make more sense XD

Edit: Yeah, revamped the page. Was it in terrible need off. I just didn't know an image =S Hope you like it. Anyway, because the YACCS or whatever comments seem to get down very often, I shall use the blogger comment system as a backup =D. I shall also tweak a bit more with the layout.

in the past few hours I had 2 dreams about where I was encouraged to escape from oppression. I believe my sub conscious is trying to tell me something XD
Oh, and in my last dream I had 2 crows who were my friends: Smooches, a brown one, who was also a bit.... 'furry', and Crow. I took revenge with them on those who ignored me =P
And in my first dream I had to escape from some idiot, along with my family.....and Courage. To open a gate, a 6 year old needed to have blood on her hands. The kid objected of course, until she found out it was enough to prick herself XD Each time we solved a clue, one tile of the wall would change. Eventually the gate would open.
Also, and this is idiotic: I climbed on a wall to climb on a roof. Brain, did you forget I am afraid of hights?! I would never do that XD

I should blog more. Though, whatever I will say will only be complaining and stuff. Anyway, had Video-interaction today. It's so nice how people just shove things into your face and say how much you suck. Why don't people focus on good points? I'm expected to be MOTIVATED to continue working, but all I hear are the bad things; rarely the good things.
And looking for a reason outside yourself is NORMAL, not to mention HUMAN BEHAVIOUR. If you keep on looking for mistakes on your side, you get pessimistic and low self esteem. When you look for a reason on other people's sides, you are considered not being able to self reflect.

AND SINCE WHEN IS IT WRONG TO DO THINGS FOR PEOPLE?!

I mean, seriously, it's being hold against me that I get coffee for people. THAT IS BEING CALLED POLITE! Seriously. Never expected I could be TOO helpfull. I just like to help people and be a good host. Is that so wrong?

Today was a weird day. Seriously. I went to my internship all: 'ANOTHER day, puu.....', and when I came there, the teacher suddenly mentioned I had to start the day and read with a small group. I thought: 'CRAP! That's right! She did mention that! I KNEW I forgot SOMETHING!', So, I started up the day. Praying is still the hardest thing around. Seriously. I am not religious at all, and then I have to 'talk to God' with the children. Not easy. What on earth do you say to a guy when you are not certain if he exists yourself?! But I guess practise makes perfect. Thus far no complaints. I just ask him to help the children make a better day today and all, and if he wants to think about the poor children. This way these children are more aware that there are children less fortunate in the world.
Btw, I have children like Down Syndrome or very low intelligence. Kids who can't go to normal school. And I love my kiddies =)
So, I started reading, which went fairly calm. For half of the group, the book we read was too hard, while the other kids were on the right level. But I had no choice; this was the only book with enough copies for all of them! Plus, it went fairly well :) After that I put them to math, which went okay as well.
Just before PE, I got angry with a kid for a change. My mentor was happy about that; that kid should know he can't go that far any more. With me, getting angry on a child is hard. I usually feel helpless. Luckily my anger is quickly over as well, and the kid was impressed for a while.
So yeah, I felt confident. Has been a while since I felt that. It's a nice feeling. I love being confident =)

We talked to the teacher and yes, I now certainly say: SHE IS AN IDIOT! I mean, SERIOUSLY. I have to MAKE THINGS UP, and predict how children will devellop in an activity they won't be doing. Also, she can't read what the children are learning.

Well, she's already wearing glasses. Maybe she needs one that helps her think as well. I mean, seriously.... AN INSULT! A serious insult. I worked my ass of this report; one of the few reports I actually had to work for, and Miss I'm-too-good-for-actually-reading says it's not good enough.

She had to leave quickly, and she was quite bitchy. I mean, she acted like: OMG YOU ARE WRONG AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. Well, I'm SORRY that I'm pointing out OBVIOUS things. But, accepting the obvious and admitting errors is not in her dictionary.

I hope she gets scared the heck out of her on her way home. Not that anything bad happens, but that she just gets scared. Like, almost hitting a duck or so. But that nobody gets hurt or something gets damaged. And of course, no animals get hurt.

Yeah, that would be nice. That would be my revenge. Too bad that won't happen.

I hope a demon will jump out of her eggs if she wants to bake an egg. And that that demon pulls her nose (but nothing more). Yeah, that would be VERY nice.

Serves her right for being an idiot. I mean, seriously............

Ah, how nicely a day can begin... *sarcasm*
First, I finally send the packages, and one package turns out to be 40 grammes too heavy. And for that 40 grammes, I had to pay 7 euro 50 more! Gaaah! Next time, I'll stuff it till 5 kilo's! Then I'll really get something for my money. And yet, at home, the package was 1.8 kilo's on 2 different scales....

Second, I get a report back, and guess what: AGAIN what needs to be added is CLEARLY mentioned in the report, even with subtitle and all, and AGAIN the teacher has no idea what I'm trying to tell. 'I want to know which activities you pout together' - Ehm, Miss, there is a whole scedule where you wrote okay next - 'Yes, but that are only numbers, and they could mean anything!'- Okay, so the fact I have 3 activities, and within the activities mentioned when they play them, it's still not clear when my 3 activities, numbered 1 till 3, are played.
I NEED TEACHERS WITH A BRAIN! Come on teacher, if THIS isn't clear enough, it just means
my teachers are dumb. Seriously. What needs to be added is once again a complete INSULT to me. And then people complain I don't read well enough.

Third, the post office clerck got annoyed by me. First he was all nice, but after he hit his knee, his mood changed. CAN I HELP IT I HAVE A LIFE?! And what the freak do you mean: students have all the time of the world?! Am I picking my nose or so????

If calculated right, I have 7 essays left. 3 of a free choice, 3 of an annoying type, and my final big essay. I can do this! I can do this! I should be able to be done in May! *goes praying and taking a last day off*

Well, on http://kittyocean.deviantart.com/ , you can read how I managed to fall down some stairs, and how I managed to get poor. In this blog, I'll write my report of The Lion King musical I visited, as well as some news about my neighbour's cat.

Why writing about a cat which is not mine? Well, that cat is around 17 years old, and used to be best friends with my first dog, as well as has been around as long as I can remember. They found her sunday. She was about to die, so the owner rushed off to the vet. It's uncertain how it's with her now. We have to think about the worst. But hey, she's 17! She had a good life... even though her first day out resulted in having 3 legs......

Anyway, the Lion King Musical. I must say I'm impressed. It was in Dutch, and what I feared also happened... boohoo! They made Timon and Pumbaa Belgium!!! Look, they were great actors, but WHY, oh WHY do people think Belgium people are funny because of how they talk?! Accent doesn't determine if people are funny, the jokes are!!
Anyway, the beginning was very surprising; I had no idea where to look! Oh wait, there was something! And there too! And there too!!! SO MUCH TO SEE!
I disliked Rafiki. Already thought he was a nutcrack in the movie. The actress/ actor (too much make up to see XD) was good at portraying that nutcrack though. I LOVED Scar! I mean it! Seriously! That actor was GREAT! And how casual he said 'paws of the tail!' and then went back to his hypocrytic self. Loved him! Seriously!
Young Simba was okay, Young Nala was ADORABLE! Their text was quite modern as well; 'KEIGAAF' is far more popular than 'Cool' nowadays XD.
Zazou was a great actor and role. I LOVED the english hat that actor wore. And how he spoke... so Zazou! And the songs he sang..... I expected a dutch version of 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen...' , 'I've got a bunch of coconuts' and 'it's a small world..' But what did we get? 'Waaaaarheeeeeen leidt de weeeeeg, die wij moeeeeten gaaaaan.' PRICELESS! It's a 'populair' funural song in the Netherlands XD And the happy songs? 'Heb je even voor mij!' and 'Ik zag je lopen, OOHWEEOOH!' , both from Frans Bauer; kind of party songs. Again the modern touch! I loved it!

In the end, I really enjoyed it. And I managed to get surprised a lot. Well done!!!!

Okay.... When I FINALLY finished a report, I get a mail from a teacher telling me an essay of mine is incomplete. Knowing the fact I double checked it, I was completely frustrated.
Turns out that I mixed up 1 assignment and that I forgot to add one. I found it back on my computer, but all I actually know is that this piece is not included in my essay, but I forgot to write down which assignment it was! T_T STUPID ME! It has the same code and says 4SO last, which means it belongs to the essay encoded 4SO but that it was the last piece to be added... probably the piece I went to school for. It HAS to be that! But since I will go to school monday, I might be able to find back the original file name. Otherwise chance is big I will have to re-read that large piece again! T_T And I lost my reader, which means that I can't look up what I messed up. And I couldn't find it online! So, I hope the teacher will help me; otherwise I have no idea what she means O.o
Then I found a second essay that was rejected because of something really minimal! I mean it! Seriously! REALLY minimal!

So, I don't have to add THAT much... a day work to correct both... but the thing is... last time an essay from mine was rejected was at least 2 years ago! And now I have 2 in a row! Any idea how it feels to get essays back while you always practically aced everything? That is so FRUSTRATING!

So, let's recap my week:

Last friday: had to post a difficult message about an RPG

Last saturday: Found about 10 replies from that RPG telling me to stop overreacting AND I had to fight a fight about copyright. A really intense one.

Sunday: finally, things are calming down... a day of peace!

Monday: RPG seemed to have quieted down as well

Tuesday: A handed in plan for an essay I almost finished was turned down (here it really starts...) making me feel I have to redo the entire assignment.

Wednesday: Found a lenghty e-mail where I was accused of taking a hiatus in the RPG just to get things my way. EXCUSE ME?! I'm not THAT childish. I took a hiatus to find myself back!

Thursday: Had to do some form of council or so and worked my ass off to fix the essay where the plan from was handed down. Teacher gave links, links don't work. At that same time dad dragged me along to pick up a table at my sister's place. So, I couldn't finish things, staying in frustration.

Friday: The essay LOOKS finished, and I find an e-mail telling an other essay is incomplete. I go to school, and find 2!!! rejected essays, both on REALLY minor points. Students invite me to sit along them, but I was already frustrated and just wanted to go home. They kept on asking me to come, and I just know I walked away upset saying loudly I just wanted to go home. In the tram I found out the points I had to add in the essay were very easy to fix. At home I find out I am missing a reader; one I need to fix an essay!! I looked up information online, but could barely find anything. I e-mailed the teacher, asking if I understood her right and gave a temporary and short version of the correction (with some luck she either corrects it or gives me addition information where I can look it up). Also managed to find back that missing piece from that essay, even though I'm REALLY hoping that is the missing piece! I'll grab that book on school monday and quickly verify things. Hopefully the teacher has replied then, so I can fix that other part as well. I'll also fix that other part (please, is THAT a reason to reject an essay?! That is an INSULT! Nitpicker. (<~ directed to the teacher)). When that is done, I can FINALLY start on an other essay, one I find harder than the two that were just rejected.

To come:

Saturday: Work. Kyaah. With all that frustration inside me, not much has to go wrong in order me to completely break down.
Sunday: Knowing me, I'll try to fix that essay that was rejected on REALLY MINOR AND INSULTING points because that is about 2 pages. It's insulting because adding these pages does not make my essay a better one. It's a good essay without those two. Seriously. I may not know much, but these pages seriously don't make a difference. One is about 'why is my 'adventure' an adventure' and the other is 'what shall they learn with this lesson and how can you check it'. I have about half a page per lesson on what children learn with each lesson. Appearantly, that isn't enough. She needs it in keywords, big bold font telling her that what I already wrote up is the same as what she wants me to write down.

Can you tell I'm still very frustrated? I can't handle much more....

I feel like crap. In the past 5 days I had to face 4 mayor disappointments. 2 on saturday, 2 today. I can't even tell what it is because some people concerning it might read it and then go all: 'OMG SEE?! SHE IS SUCH A L0SER!'. Look, I can't be friends with everyone, but sometimes I'd like to receive things in exchange of all my giving! And I'm NOT talking about things I can touch, I'm talking about mental things. A relation is a two way track, and right now I have a feeling a certain person expects me to drive all the way to her while she doesn't drive back. Well pardon me, if that is the case, I'm going to take a turn and move off that track.
And additional to that, a report I already worked about 2 weeks on, will need to be almost completely rewritten. Parts of it can still be used, but it makes you wonder why the hell you worked in the first place.

I hate October. Tomorrow I have something stupid school forces me to do because THEY messed up. One hour and a half of talking crap. Why people? Why? Where the hell did I deserve that on?

Only thing I can figure out is that this is post 667, and I haven't post in a while, letting post 666 dance freely on my first page. But since I am actually not THAT superstitious (or how on hell you may write that), I doubt that is it.

Only good thing that happened to me is that more and more people seem to love Forever Young. Season 3 is a lot more dark and dramatic, I noticed that, and season 1 has gained some new fans.
Oh yes, and I will probably lose the domain name www.seken.tk . If I want it back, I need to pay for it. Like hell I will! The deal says you need 25 visitors in 90 days, but they never said they mean that EVERY 90 days! I assumed only the first 90 days. I even re-read the agreement and all. It is never said you need 25 visitors every 3 months. But hey, what can I do?

Besides, as soon as Forever Young gets published, I'll probably get a .com or .nl adress. Or maybe not a site at all.

Who cares.

At this moment, I even want to stop caring.

Ola peeps!

Happy news for a change!

Part 1 is that I may hve gotten myself an internship. School advises me not to go, but one of the teachers says I have qualities that may just be perfect for that type of education. I'll first look for a couple of days, and then I will say yes or no to that place.

The rest is in Dutch because well.... it's easier for me to type, and I kinda half want to respect the kids' privacy. And if one of the kids wants to read about it, they can read it as well ^_^. It's about Swimming Camp (I was a volunteer). For you english speaking people, it's enough to know I had the best weekend since years!!! It was simply perfect!!!

And now to Dutch..... (there is english again on the end!)

Ik reed mee met een collega die vlak bij me woonde. Hij had zo'n mooi navigatiesysteem, die ons prachtig liet eindigen bij een kerkhof XD. Nou, charmant! Met wat omrijden kwamen we bij het kamphuis; die dus aan de andere kant van het bos lag! Maar ja, deze auto was geen 4 wheel drive, dus dat modderige paadje was niet aanlokkelijk XD.

Op het kamphuis aangekomen ging de leiding (waaronder ik) eerst chinees eten. Mijn hemel, waarom krijg ik toch ALTIJD commenteer als ik uit eten met mijn team ben?! XD Sjeesh! Maar goed, ik moest nog 2 dagen dus ik slikte dat commentaar maar weer eens door. Ik at niet eens zo veel hoor. Van alles een beetje!

Om 19.00 uur kwamen de eerste kids. Iedereen sliep in blokhutten maar daar zat geen wc in dus bij de jongste kinderen kwam iemand in het blokhutje erbij slapen. Ik kreeg D, T, N, P, L en M onder mijn hoede ^_^. Bij de zwemles had ik gezegd: Als je vijf minuten langer op wilt blijven, moet je me koekjes geven! TWEE KINDEREN KWAMEN MET KOEKJES! XD Helaas sliepen beide kids in verschillende blokhutten dus heb ik het tweede pak koekjes aan de andere leidster van de 2e hut gegeven. Ik bedoelde het als geintje bij de zwemlessen! Maar goed, zij hadden MIJ dus ook goed te pakken ^_^ Ik was met stomheid geslagen!

Na het indelen van de blokhutten, wat te drinken en het verdelen in teams en het bedenken van teamnamen en yells, was het al weer bijna donker. Er werd nog hout voor het kampvuur verzamelt en het hout werd in brand gestoken. Er werden nog mislukte pogingen gedaan tot het zingen van kampliederen.... (leerpunt voor volgend jaar! XD)
En opeens:
'KITT! J! VERHAAL VERTELLEN!'
Ik: KYAAH! We zouden toch wat met de bonte avond morgen doen?! Wat nu? Wat nu? Ik verzon dus iets ter plekke, en J beelde dat uit. Met J erbij kan iets dus nooit een eng verhaal worden XD Mijn hemel die kids lagen in een deuk! Over een kerkhof en wat er allemaal kan gebeuren ('De koffiepads zijn op en ik weet niet waar ik ze moet kopen!') en een schoenenbeestje met 4 oren, die niet kon horen en een neus die niet kon ruiken. Zat hij in je schoenen, dan moest je om 8.02 uur zingen met 2 vingers in je oren en 1 voet omhoog. Geen seconde later en geen seconde eerder!
Daarna werd er een nachtspel gedaan; douanespel. Ik bleef lekker aan de kant XD Ik kan echt niet goed tegen absolute duisternis!
Het was ongeveer 1.00 uur s ochtends toen we terug waren. De meiden van mijn hut wilden eerst niet slapen, maar toen ze hoorden dat ik tanden ging poetsen en naar bed ging, besloten zij ook maar mee te gaan. Wat me opviel? Al deze meiden deden onbewust bijna alles samen! Tanden poetsen, naar de wc, samen eten/ drinken... Om 1.30 gingen T en ik voor het laatst naat de wc. Ik denk dat alle meiden om 2.00 wel sliepen... en IK DUS NIET XD.

De volgende ochtend hadden we een droge zeskamp waarbij er ook blikgooien was. Alleen... de blikken waren versierd met de foto's van de leiding! Dus die kids hebben genoten! Er was nog touwtrekken op het eind (arme kleine L-boy, zijn ene voet bleef staan terwijl de andere weggleed! Dat moet pijn hebben gedaan....) en uiteraard het laatste touwtrekken waar iedereen spontaan meedeed.
Er was lunch en daarna werd de bonte avond voorbereid. Bijna iedereen ging wat doen!
Nog even een spel levend stratego (dat was saai XD Ik bedoel, ik moest de grens bewaken dus ik stond ongeveer een uur stil!) en daarna barbecue (OMG dat viel verkeerd >.<) en dan de bonte avond... Een liedje over 10 Radicale Eekhoorns.... Moppen, een dansje, een Rapje, een quiz.... en toen het voorberiede verhaal van J en mij. Dat vonden ze weer zo humor! Ze haden de hele dag al zitten smeken om een verhaal XD En toen ging de leiding wat spontaan doen (Tom Jones, Sex Bomb.... -_-') Ik had er weinig zin in, dus ik greep T vast die naast me zat. Helaas, B-boy was sterker XD Hij duwde me er zo bij! Gelukkig vond T het niet erg dat ik haar tijdelijk als anker gebruikte XD. Daarna was er nog een nachtspel; de laatste 2 rondes van het douanespel. B-boy is een jongen van 13 die energie voor 80 heeft maar ook erg slim is. Hij had geen kaartje meer, maar stilzitten was een drama voor hem. Dus, hij besloot in het donker de douane te plagen door langs ze heen te rennen. Al gillen rende hij heen en weer, zonder zaklamp! 1 van de leiding dacht, wat hoor ik nou, en scheen zijn zaklamp ergens heen. Juist op dat moment ziet hij B-boy knoerthard tehen een boom knallen! Nou, dat was vast en zeker een hersenschudding! MOOI NIET DUS! Hij had alleen een schrammetje bij zijn keel! Zijn zusje had ook al zo veel geluk; kuilen, stekels, takken bijna in het oog.... voor haar was het survival kamp! Wel vond ze het erg leuk... al had ze gigantische hoofdpijn die avond! De volgende ochtend, de zondag, vonden een paar buurmeiden het nodig om om 7.50 hard buiten te praten. Mijn gehele hut werd er wakker van! P was al naar buiten gegaan, maar ze wilden niet luisteren. Dus ik stap naar buiten: 'Dat JULLIE niet willen slapen moeten jullie zelf weten, maar willen julllie even rekening houden met hen die dat wel willen!!?' Stond er ook nog 1 van de begeleiding lachend bij! Nou, het was wel stil daarna XD Maar slapen deed niemand meer! T vroeg nog aan mij of ik haar naar de wc had horen gaan die nacht. Ik voelde me een beteje rot; ik was verantwoordelijk en ik had niets gehoord! Maar goed, alles was goed gegaan en ach, die meiden zijn zo'n 10-11 jaar.... Maar ik moet ver heen zijn geweest dat ik dat niet heb gehoord! Omdat we toch wakker waren, gingen we maar de koekjes opeten, en ander snoep snaaien. En toen, opeens.... Stel je voor: N, schattig stil meisje dat heel verlegen is.... ZE PAKTE OPEENS MIJN SLAAPZAK AF! En T pakte mijn kussen af! T_T Boohoo, arme ik! Ach, het was leuk ^_^ We hadden lol! Laatste keer ontbijt, nog een natte zeskamp (die was leuk!) en toen de lunch. Ik heb een hekel aan bruin brood (VIES!) maar omdat het witte brood op was, heb ik er toch 1 opgegeten. Dit keer zat ik bij de meiden van mijn blokhut en ze hebben me aangemoedigd! Daarna kwam ik in onze blokhut. Ik was stomverbaasd: HIJ WAS PRACHTIG SCHOON EN OPGERUIMD! Dat hadden ze dus zelf gedaan! Ik was zo trots op ze! Nog even spelen en wachten tot de ouders kwamen.... het was echt een topkamp! Ik was alleen wel echt bekaf (deels door dat te vroeg wakker worden >_<) en sliep bijna op de terugweg.

Back to English!

The next day I was still so tired.... I went to my sister's place and told her about my aching back and arm. She offered me to use her bathtub (we only have a shower at home) and I accepted! OMG that was GOOOOOOD!. But I shall give her a pillow for in bath though. That must be more comfortable XD.
After that she offered to cut my hair. Well, she cut it indeed! It's SHORT! It barely reaches my shoulders!!! Oh well... it will grow again ^_^

And now we are here XD And I'm still tired! And my arm still hurts!!!!!

BUT CAMP WAS GREAT!!!

Has been a while since I posted here. I actually want to stop telling you people the bad facts about my life. School is about to begin again, and to be honest, if I wasn't so close I would have stopped. Just 1 more year of complete agony and dumbasses, and then I can do what I want.
Which is most likely writing books. Forever Young Book 1 has been put together; all I need to add is some art and extra's. Book 2 will be started on today. When book 2 is put together, I will start writing book 3! And when my hell called school is over, I will actively try to get that book on the market.
Demitri Scaramanga visited my house from San Fransisco to the Netherlands. That is a huge distance. The beginning was a bit..... getting used to from both sides, but now........ now that he is home........ he somehow feels further away than ever! I have a new real life friend. But why couldn't he live closer? I miss him so much...

Since I only had bad news to post, I decided to stop posting. I want to share good news! But, since I don't have that....internship won't get signed off. 5 months works done for nothing. They say I can't handle kids the right way. In the mean while they want to go to school; even if they are very tired or even sick!!! But tomorrow will be the last day. A part of me will miss them....
But better news: I want to see if I can get Forever Young Published as a book. I finished season 2 (makes a total of 150 episodes!!!!) and I would really like to see season 1 published when I get close to finishing season 3!

Small things can really make your day.

Like seeing a frog with a beautiful green back.

Or

A little bird taking his first flying lesson.

I think my mentors have a wrong image of my abilities. I think they think I have 4 years of experience with teaching in kindergarten. I have 1 year of experience in kindergarten, and 4 years experience in teaching as a whole. That something can be blamed on me, is something I can understand. But a relation is a 2 way road. So yes, something can be my fault. And maybe a lot of it as well. But putting the blame 100% on me is unfair. I'm still a student, NOT the full fledged teacher they think I am.

I still love teaching and the kids, but I wouldn't mind it that much when it's all over. Working 5 days a week is simply too much for a beginner.

Why can't people accept the fact that I need help, especially after I gave clear hints that I needed it. They have been letting me swim in the dangerous sea all alone, and when it seems I'm drowning for a moment, they say: 'should have stayed out of it'. That's so unfair.

Myuu..... :( Today was not the best swimming lesson I gave ever. And one of the moms talked 'in general' about teachers, but I think I got her hint. I know, I know, not the best lesson ever.... I will do better next week. Critism makes me sad. Dunno why. I should just get over it. Learn to live with it. But if you are put down for years by your classmates, all you ever want is to be liked.
My dad says I shouldn't let it get to me. That that mom and her husband actually ONLY COMPLAIN about what they see.
But still makes me sad.

Let's try to write down happy happy thoughts:
- Endless Rain is started again (I just need to write another part XD)
- Kids were very nice today (but monday and tuesday they were pain, plus one mom thinks about not letting her kid go back before the next school year; probably because she thinks the class is too crowded.... while next year the classes will be bigger!!!)
- Forever Young Season 2 is almost finished!!! (no downside to that!!!)
- A girl asked me if I had a story in store or so, and if she could make a comic out of that (downside has yet to be found)
- I'm close to finishing another report; appearantly the most annoying one! (just need to finish 2 other parts with it as well then XD)

I really miss my friends now. They are there, some not online though, but I just... miss them. And I don't want to whine against them with my problems.

I just wished they lived in the neighbourhood.....

People don't get it, do they? In order for me to create motivation to work for school, I need people who take my side. People who say: 'Yes, it's the SCHOOL's fault but just do the best you can.' But what do I get thrown in my face at school?
'Challenges? I already found out 2 years ago this school doesn't offer challenges.'
'Me? I'm almost done!'
'I'm doing great!'
'Motivation is something this school doesn't give, it is something you need to create yourself.'

True, you need to create motivation on this school yourself. But what I also need, is some freaking people at school who support me!! All I get to hear is how far THEY are and how great THEY are doing. I need support dammit!
Not just from my friends, from school as well! My mom supports me, but my dad doesn't show support at all. My mom says he does support me, but I just don't see it!

I need freaking support to get this college done before November!
And what I get is nothing! I just get some support from my best friends, but from nobody else. And I need more!

We musn't forget. We mus't forget it. 60 years ago World War II ended for the Netherlands. And even though it's a long time ago, and that only 20% of those who lived then are still alive now... we may not forget what it is to have freedom...

If I won't forget it, I will tell everyone through this blog how my 2 days with Togepi were. We made Sushi (terribly failed XD) and Tamagoyaki (yum!). When her train left, I suddenly felt so sad again.... I always feel sad if I have to say good bye to a friend...

Last week I was in my 'oh-my-gosh-this-world-is-crazy-and-annoying' mood. Now I once again feel shitty. I actually don't want to day what happened, but it involves a kid playing hide and seek 3 times on 1 day. And trying it for a 4th time today. I ask you then, can it still be my fault then??! I think NOT! But I do get the blame for it. Principal and all. It really makes me doubt on myself. While I shouldn't doubt. This wasn't my fault. But it does make me feel inadequite.
So, I feel crappy. VERY crappy.
And if I told online what kind of DVDs I bought, some friends are gonna kill me, or won't want to know me any more.

At least there is BLOF (o slashed with a /) to cheer me up! The only band that can make me scream like a teenager at a boyband concert! Okay, the guys are old, but I LOVE their poetic songs!!!

Just 4 more days till VACATION!

Please read this post carefully before you judge. I DO NOT approve of what is going on and I WILL be working on it. Also, the child will be called 'it' from now on, so nobody knows if it's a boy or a girl.

There is a kid in my internshipclass that is being left out occasionally by the other kids. Today I observed the child and honestly... I can only say... NO WONDER! The kid just barges in and demands it may play along. If it doesn't get its way, it sometimes 'steals' a piece of the puzzle. If I was 4 years old, and an other kid is known for stealing puzzle pieces and demanding it plays along... then I wouldn't want to play with it as well! Hell, I wouldn't want to play with it even if it was 18 years old!!
So, this means the child has to learn how to ask 'Can I play along' and accept it if the other child says no. Not everyone likes to work together 24/7. The other children, however, have to stay nice to the child, simply say 'no' and sometimes accept the child to work along. Plus, they need to learn how to say 'Can I play along' as well.
They are only 4 years old and need to learn a lot. But this behaviour, from BOTH sides is something I cannot accept. And actually... I wonder of the child gets enough attention at home... but I can't judge that.
Poor child anyway. I hope it gets solved soon....I do not approve of this; I also hope I can fix this.

Also, I saw 2 bugs today I had never seen before. Strange. I've seen so many bugs... but honestly, I have NO IDEA what that crawling thing was, or that flying black thing. I'll ask dad. He knows a lot. Mom knows a lot as well... but mostly what's on 4 legs and barks XD

I also bought a CD from Blof (can't make that o with a slash here T_T): Het einde van het begin (the end of the beginning) - their best songs. Oh my gosh I LOVE Blof!!! Too bad not all my friends love it XD

Oh yes, my voice is at 95% at this moment =D YAY!

Plus my swimming club laughed at me, at a dinner party, just because I was eating with chopsticks. I know, fries and 'frikandel' is typically dutch so they are not used to see it eaten like that but darnit, can't I eat the way I want to??! And at least I CAN EAT WITH CHOPSTICKS! Sjeesh; most of them can't eat with chopsticks but I CAN.
Also, I ate Sushi. With fish. Crab I believe. And I don't like eating fish. But I thought: I am a Japan Freak so I must eat Sushi once. And woopiedoo, was THAT what all the fuss was about? It hardly had ANY taste! So, I hope it was just bad quality. And I still dislike eating fish.
And I eat whatever I want with chopsticks! TRY AND STOP ME!

I am me and you are you. If you can't deal with it, it's not my problem (you in a general form; nobody meant in particular)


..... Ah, sweet sound of rain....

Some people appearantly read this blog. So, in case you read the Serenay Moon updates and got worried ('Since I can only complain today...'), this is the case:
1. I'm 100% okay. Okay, voice is still a bit glitchy, but I'm okay
2. I'm tired as hell
3. The past 2-3 days all people do around me is complain about me. About me giving wrong impressions. About me being careless about my work. About me driving through a red light (it was GREEN DAMMIT! GREEN!)
4. My best friend is sad and there is no way I can cheer her up
5. I need to change my entire concept of a report just to satisfy some stupid teacher
6. I feel crappy
7. Just 2 minutes ago I remembered something GOOD and now I FORGOT it.

So yeah... all I can do is complain today

It certainly has been a while since I last posted. I just have nothing INTRESTING to share. Nonsense I have enough. Intresting facts is something I lack in life.
I'm very tired. 2 days of celebrating with the kids is KYAH. Day 1 to the circus and day 2 celebrating all birthdays from all kindergarten teachers at once. Got some dark cute Miffy/ Nijntje stuff. Nijntje/ Miffy rules XD. But the toys are the coolest XD I want those too.
My heart is being torn in loyalty: do I like Winx Club, or will I stay loyal to WITCH XD I think I like both, even though Winx' story is thrown together a bit hasty. Musa was very easily cheered up after she told mommy was dead. Her friends were very sad all of a sudden and she just threw it off with: Hey, it happened a long time ago!
They could have given it more depth.
Anyway, I lack motivation and inspiration for typing FY. So, to kill time, I started pixeling...... a kiss doll. From FY. Currently busy with the wings. When I finished that, I can FINALLY work on the hairstyles and clothes XD
Oh yes: last thursday my voice decided to go on vacation. Saturday was the first and it's FINALLY returning. Sjeesh! Try talking to 10 noisy kids when you have no voice. Try to talk AT ALL when you have no voice.
And oh yeah, my employer is very happy with me. YAY!

This is how Friday evening went:

Me: YAY! My sister is here! YAY! I'm happy!!!! (And when we were kids, we almost 'killed' each other XD We now love each other)

Later:

Me: YAY! DINNER! .... I should eat more regular XD
* doorbell rings*
Dad: Kitt, you go open it
Me: What? Why? I'm eating! It's not for me anyway.
Mom: I'll go. ------- KITT! It's for you!
Me: HUH?! Who the freak? *thinking: who is that guy?*
Guy: Come with me.
Me: Mom, get that damned videocamera out of my face. What the hell have you guys planned.
Guy: You see that red car? You can get in. Behind the steering wheel that is....
Me: ..... Are you insuranced for that? Are you certain of that? I CAN'T DRIVE!
Guy: I know, this is your first driving lesson.
Me: ......................... *eeps*

So, I drove. No accidents. My gosh, Kitty Ocean in a car. It was scary, but not as scary as I thought it would be. My sis expected I would cry (I was a tad close to that yeah XD). My mom thought I wouldn't get in. My dad thought.... what did he think anyway? Probably the same as my mom.
I only steered, but halfway I could give gas and use the break as well. This is how it went:

Teacher: You can go faster. You can go faster. You can go faster.
Me: I think I'm like an 80 year old woman. I already think I'm going to fast.

Teacher: Come on, take the turn.
Me: Shouldn't I look first if there isn't anything coming??!

The teacher is the father of 2 children I give swimming lessons. And he's willing to fit me in if I want to continue. I guess I should continue, ne? Who knows; maybe I'll get my driving license before the summer! I may not graduate for summer, but this winter, but studying for my driving license is so different that doing those reports. Because when I've done internship, I have no energy left for making reports. I then want to relax.
And somehow... that driving lesson... it felt as if I was relaxing. It didn't take that long.
So I guess I'll ask that teacher to squeeze me in ^_^
And in the vacations I'll still be doing my reports. Next weekend I have a friday and monday off as well. Maybe I can do my report I named: 'Flame War' - about picking on classmates online. The research will be done later; anyone willing to help?

Thoughts of the moment:

- Monday I'll be 22. Darn. I'm old
- Already got awesome gifts
- Will see my big sister tonight. YAY!
- Monday I will have my first teacher-parent talks (3). EEPS!
- Tuesday I will have another one. EEPS!
- I'm feeling like a 14 year old in a Flame War. Why am I lowering myself to that level of intelligence? And why the hell can't I shut up?
- Newest WITCH magazine came: YAY Elyon is back for a few pages!!! and Caleb is an Ass. Oh yeah, and Hay Lin got her braces sooner than expected. WITCH magazine also said the WITCH cartoon would air in April, while another site who mails with Jetix said April, and now June.
- Newest Serenay Moon movie... I hope it will get cool! Plot, designs and logical explanations are being formed. I think I'll start with.....
- I'm forgetting 75% of what I wanted to say....
- Reminds me off, I should feed the fish....
- I bought my own English Dictionary.
- My student mentor blah blah thingie is ******; she wants to meet with me, and when I propose a date, she doesn't reply! How can we meet before wednesday?! I hope she has a good reason....
- I'm still fighting for a grade I still haven't gotten but I should get. And I fear I might need to start fighting for another report; but then to get a mentor that helps me with that. Then again, entry date closed March 15, so what hung in the school could be an old list.
- I'm in desperate need of a vacation.
- I'm very neglecting my friends
- My brain is turning into a Swiss Cheese.
- At least I will have 2 days extra off with Easter.
- And still I have the feeling I wanted to say more but can't remember.

Okay, please help me with this.

Since when, do I agree with my WORST enemy? And... well... why is he saying what I was THINKING - only I would say it in a milder version?

This is spooky. Downright spooky.

And it sure messes up my head.

EEEEEEE! Bad me! Bad me! I should post here more! But I'm so tired so often T_T. Yes, still teaching. And yes, it's getting a drag. But hell..... have you seen my paycheck??! I have to work 8 months as a mail deliverer to get that! ..... Then again, I'm working 5 days a week as a teacher and only 1 day a week as a mail deliverer..... That may make a difference as well XD.
Anyway, what is there to tell? I completed my Tenchi Muyo Manga collection. I finally have novel number 1! It's a reprint though. So reading from right to left XD. New, and some time getting used to, but not that hard. And today I got Megatokyo Volume 3! YAY!
YAY PING! YAY ERIKA! YAY MIHO! *does a happy dance*

As for FY, I finished ep 136. Yay for me. Too bad some people think I will never manage to get it published. =( And that's my big dream. FY in the stores....

And why the hell isn't MSN working??!

As for teaching: kids are cool. 1 kid tends to test me all the time. Very annoying. May I kick him? Figure of speech though. I will never hit a child.

I hope anyway.

I'm ALIVE!......still having a cold, but alive *sniffs*. My back hurts like hell. I need a new job. Seriously. This job I have now will make me end up in a wheelchair.

ATCHAAAAAA!
*sniffs*
Kitty caught a cold....
Yes, it's that time of the year again: the 7-annual cold kicks in again. Still, I shouldn't be complaining. I have one hell of a healt.
Anyway, I haven't lost any more children XD All delivered home safely!!! The kid I 'lost' tuesday, I almost lost today again....... I didn't see him, since he was in front of me all the time, with his mom XD. I simply overlooked him.
None of the teachers blame me, which is nice. They also see me as one of the real teachers. I'm even allowed to go along on the staff-excursion!!! While all the other internship-students have to stay home. YAY!
I won't whine today. Yup, I'm gonna try not to whine in public. Yay for me!
And since I'm really tired (also because of the cold), I'm gonna stop now.

VACATION!!!!!!!! W00T!!!!

Oh, today was... well, let me start at the beginning. I was a bit ticked off because I had forgotten to take something along, but the rest of the day went great. The kids listened great, and the kid who was thought to not know any dutch language at all, said 2 entire sentences to me today. Okay, in broken Dutch, but I understood her! Her family migrated from Iraq a couple of years ago. I don't know when actually.
But anyway, at 3 pm, the class had ended and I brought the children outside to meet their parents. Suddenly a nanny came to me asking where one of the children was! Turned out that one of the children in my class was missing! The nanny went hysteric, and everyone looked for the child. Turned out the child was confused and went to the after school programme (he also has that one some days). Since this was the first time I actually lost a child, I was terrified what that nanny would say to me. I apologised and burst into tears, telling her how sorry I was and that it would never happen again! When she saw how shocked and frightened I had been as well, she embraced me and told me it was not my fault. Everyone else told me it was not my fault; small children can be very slippery and I saw the child running away. Children only run at something when they recognise it (like a mom). And since all had gone well, I wasn't blamed at all. I also got, as a bonus, all kinds of stories how other teachers once lost children. 'It happens to all of us, and that's scary, but don't worry, 9 out of 10 times everything turns out okay. They are usually not far away.'
Yes, it did turn out okay, but I'm still shaken. This is the first time I lost a child. Thank goodness he was found back. He's only 4 years old! I was responsible, no matter how often they say it was not my fault. I'm already overprotective by nature, but from now on, kids are not allowed to leave me until I see their parents myself!! I don't want anything like this to happen again. The nanny forgave me, and everyone else did.... it's just me who needs convincing now XD I do not feel like a failure; I still think I'm capable of teaching class. But I'm terrified it will happen again....

And that on my second day of work....

Well, I survived the first day of internship. Also went a lot more calmer than I expected. Less chaotic. So, no problems? Well, if you don't count 'feeling like a newbie' along, no problems indeed XD. I mean, all those kids were done playing so fast XD I never had experience with that; I mean, I know todlers, but most of the time the class can keep themselves busy for an hour; these kids can't do that yet. Plus, they hardly know any songs, plus some of them hardly know Dutch XD. So, asides that, it actually went great ^_^ All those helpfull suggestions are cool, but also a tad annoying XD I get advice from EVERY corner. I know they mean well though.
Ow well, I can try again tomorrow =D Wish me luck!
Ps. I only had 5 kids today; tomorrow I might have either 6 or 7. It's a really calm nice class =D Love the kids already!!!

Today I once again thought it might be best if I start looking for an other job. The job I have now has become incredibly heavy, and I don't think my leg can pull that shift as soon as I have to work for 100%. I know a place where I'm incredibly welcome, and it's an easy job as well, but I would make way less money there. Way, way less. So, a lot of ups and downs I have to think through, and maybe even talking about this with my group leader. I don't want to quit, but it has become incredibly heavy... and I'm not the only one who thinks that.

Another thought I finally decided, is that I'm going to postpone my Forever Young site. The reason is simple: my internship (plus, I still didn't get the requested FTP XD). At this moment, I hardly have time to keep up with the sites I have now (while I only update Serenay Moon regularly XD), and I don't think I would for Forever Young justice by giving it crappy updates.
I will continue writing, so no worries. The thing is.....I'm getting so close to the finish (and graduate for school). I'm at 75% now, and after the internship it will be 90%. I would only have reports left then. I can be finished in December. I'm so close... I can't give up now!
And even though I love Forever Young to death; school is more important at the moment. Sometimes you have to make choices. I can throw away 3 years of hard annoying work and keep 2 years of hard loved work, or just wait 1 more year and still keep my 2 years of loved work.
Maybe you think I'm overdramatic, but I'm proud of my decision.

AAAH, I WILL HAVE MY FIRST INTERNSHIPDAY ON MONDAY AND I AM SO SCAAAAAAAARED!!!!!!
Plus, I'm really hungry. Need food.

It's really happening....I'm really going to be a teacher. Today I saw how the never used old computer room was turned into a real class. Okay, it's still far from done, but....it's really a classroom....MY classroom! It will really be my little kingdom; my rules, my children, my class. I also saw some of the children. Some are plain adorable, and some are.....very silent. And half of them hardly speak Dutch XD. But it's my class!
I'll be honest: I am scared. Scared that I'm not good enough. It's really exciting and new! All the teachers are convinced I can do it; it's just me who needs to be convinced XD
I have 3 days to finish my classroom and to look in other classes to find out how things are going there. After all, I need to know what the school stands for, and how they teach there! I can't be an apple while all the others are oranges, ne?
I wished I had more time to prepare, but at least I have something. Plus, I'm getting paid. Hell, I'm getting more in 1 month than I make in half a year usually XD At least I can pay my college for next year then ^_^
I can save money again.
I think I really like working as teacher XD just 5 months as a teacher.... Spicey, it will really be spicey, but I'll make it. Biggest problem is going to bed in time XD

Sleep well you all!!!!

I learned on school that people only pick on other people if they have a frustration, and can't confront their original frustration. So, what I was wondering today... what frustrated those Telefone Sellers to make such a fool out of me? Oh, no worries, they only laughed at me, at everything I did.
They also overheard a joke I shared with my collegues at work. They usually play a game/ competition where they use a rubber band to shoot over a bottle or so. On my way out, one of them hit the bottle, and I put it upside again. I joked with them: 'Cool of me huh? That I am so great I can place a bottle back on his feet?' The guys from worked laughed along with me, but downstairs those same Telefone Sellers had overheard it, and whined: 'Oo! That's so cool you can place a bottle back!'
I've had enough with the insults, and didn't even look at them when I said carelessly: 'Yeah, and that's why I got my VWO Diploma.'
(On High School, you can get various diploma's for graduation. VWO is the highest level. So, I actually said to the guys that they probably thought I was brainless because I was working as a mail deliverer, but that I was way brighter then they were.)
And the result?
Utter silence from their side.
VICTORY!

One of my last days that I could sleep long.... And this is what happened:

*finally dozing off after the dogs started barking, and being home alone*
= RING =
*jumps out of bed and rushes at the phone*
Me: With Kitty Ocean
Friend of Mom: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Is your mom home?
Me: *annoyed; HER again!* No, she's not.
Friend of Mom: Mm, you don't sound too awake. Did I call you awake?
Me: Yes
Friend of Mom: Well, then you just go back to your bed then, and sleep well! Oh yes, and tell your mother I'm going to wear my sweater.
Me: I will. Bye
*hangs up*
*mood drops*
Me: SHE CALLED TO TELL ME SHE'S GOING TO WEAR HER SWEATER?! WHO CARES?!

And going back to bed? That never works.
Brainless. That woman is simply BRAINLESS!

Okay, I had a sad dream. I just got called that I finally have an internship (YAY!). Problem is: usually when I get all happy-dappy, something comes and ruins my day XD. I WANNA BE HAPPY, HEAR ME?! Current mood: Has trouble believe she has an internship!

For the second time in 2 days I have a dream I remember clearly. The first was supposed to be scary (while it was not), but the second was so so sad.
I dreamed that I had organised a vacation and that my best friends came. One guy came as well, and all my friends loved him. Each time he messed up, I pulled him out of trouble. The result? They forgot to take me along on the train, and when I pulled him out of trouble, I got punished myself. While I was stuck cleaning a huge building because of his mistake, my friends didn't even came along. I felt betrayed, especially by that friend. Later on, they suddenly announced that building had a new owner. It happened to be my friend. I was relieved of my punishment, but actually after the yay hug, he left me alone again. I've never felt so alone in my dreams before. And it was all so one sided, because of course my friends had tried to help me (after all, he became owner of the building), and the guy was indeed looking for me (he just couldn't find me), but I still felt so sad and alone. He didn't even show up when I needed him most in my dream. And a happy end? Well, eventually he found me, but in my dream it felt like he was too late with everything, and that he didn't care about me at all.
So no... not really a happy end in my dream.
Dreams sucks.

But if you excuse me, I have to kick an Art teacher for someone right now. Plus to wait for a very important phone call.

What an interesting day today was. I dreamed that when I went to work, that I didn't have to work, because there was a national day off for mail deliverers XD Too bad that didn't come true when I reached my work in reality XD Oh well, can't have everything. I took my time for my work, and was earlier done then expected. Still, I have to practise a lot to get faster. One day I'll have to do the entire work all by myself, and if I keep this speed, I won't be able to make it.
There also was quite some wind today. Strangely enough my heavy bags kept me in balance on my bike XD. When I just started delivering, I noted a plastic 'for sale' sign on a window in one of the condo's. I think the size is about a metre high and 75 centimetres wide, and shaped like a traingle. One side is open, and it's stuck to the window with those suction thingies.
I already heard the wind raging aside that thing. I thought: 'Mm, that the wind hasn't already blown it off.' The wind had the strength of a small soft storm (can break branches of trees) and between the high flats, it's even harder. I put the last envelope in the box from that piece, looked up, and saw that freaking sign coming at me! As a reflex, I raised my only free hand and..... well, let's just say a cursed for about half a minute because my wrist hurted like hell. Yes, that thing hit me. I tried to return that darn thing, but the wind blew it out of my hands and into a pond. My sweet poor wristy T_T. Oh well, I survived, as well as my wrist.
Oh yeah, and the wind almost blew me from my bike when I had delivered all the mail O.o I guess I needed the weight to the bags!!!

I'm quite sad now. My heart is already sad because of what happened in Asia. But now, I got a mail about my site Tsunami. A very inappropriate titel at this moment, I agree, but what stung me more was: 'because you're a Dutchy, you probably don't give a shit about what happened in Asia'. I made my site in November; how was I supposed to know a Tsunami would come in December? Plus, I'm a water lover. I always see the beauty AND the destruction that lies in the water.
The girl didn't demand I changed the name, but she did ask for a notice telling I'm not affiliated with Asia. Why would anyone call their site Tsunami now? I decided to keep the name; to help me remember what happened.
And that I don't care? Then why do I feel sad when I talk to my sister and a friend of mine? My friend couldn't find his friend that lives there. Fortunately he was on vacation that day. My sister had a collegue who went there to burry his brother around the 20th of December. He's now back, after burrying the rest of his family.
I wished I could do more than donate money. All small things help; that was proven yesterday. We raised, the Netherlands as a whole, 115 million euro's.
Even though Asia is very far away from us, and even though we're a small country... we do care. You don't need to tell us about water disasters (1953).
Why would anyone think I wouldn't care about Asia? I don't need to prove myself... but I wonder who thought this more through. That girl, who mailed me, or me.

I know my mom. What's outside this country, doesn't really bother her. Yes, she thinks everything is all very sad, but it doesn't really affect her. What happened in Asia did affect her. My mom is being affected by something that doesn't apply to her at all. At one side I'm very happy, at the other side I'm sad because my mom is sad...
Anyway, we also talked about the nice humans in those regions. While all the bad humans try to help everyone, the good humans steal children (some children have suddenly dissappeared), and rape women and young girls (please not, this is sarcasm; it should be the other way around!) I can't believe humans are capable of doing such terrible things! Thousands of people died, and heck, who cares, let's rape the women and steal the children! MAY THOSE PEOPLE ROT IN HELL! Those children will probably be used as slaves, put into mines, or used for illegal adoption. Or even worse: prostetution. Sick, sick people. And sick, sick people for taking them in, or visiting them. And those who adopt? USE YOUR BRAINS! I understand it's hard not being able to have children, or that you are not allowed to adopt one on the legal way, but these children probably still have parents! You're hurting parents so you can become a parent yourself!
I pray you children will be safe... or that you can escape.
And I also pray that those child-thieves will die. I usually don't really hate people, but those who steal children have no right to live at all. May your body slowly rot away....
Also, to end this funny: The netherlands has already gathered around 50 million euro; that's about 60 dollars or so? Anyway, that has all been brought up by normal people; hardly any companies or the government. And then, what did mister bush say? 'Mmm, We'll be generous and donate 35 million dollars!'. Oh, how funny that even the government thought that was way too little. Now it's 350 million dollars.
There will come a special account soon on my dad's work, that promised to double every amount of money that will be donated there. I will donate there. Because what happened... I have no words.
But I'm glad to see how this unites humans; all skin colours and nationalities together. It just proves we can all help each other.
I'm proud to be human.

SAVE ME FROM STUPIDITY!!

I'm at school making a report, and I even gathered all information so that all we actually have to do is limited to copy and paste. But noooooooo, the girls I work together with find it absolutely necesairy to do it the hard way. I could have already been home.
And then they go eat.... for more than an hour already! And they forced me to eat along! 30 minutes; okay, but more than an hour??!! WARGH!
Also, other baka girls were handy enough to loose their cellphone. When I returned it, the girl said: gosh, it fell from my backside pocket again!!! And where did she put it back into? Oh, you are so right.....

I'm at school and I actually feel my brain dripping away.......