While starting a text for an essay, I wrote down: almost everyone has a double life now. Meaning: an online and offline life.

And then it struck me.

I don't have an offline life.

Sure, I have one. I breathe and all, have loving parents, have friends, teach swimming lessons, have college.... but most of my life exists out of bits and bytes. More people know me as Kitty Ocean than as *insert real name*. If you type in my real name in google, you find 2 hits. One of them isn't even me. The other... I still have to ask the guy to just keep it on Kitty Ocean.
But if you type in Kitty Ocean in google, you get about 400 hits (mostly DA related).

It's like the real me doesn't really exist. I hardly ever speak to my friends; I mostly type. But I hardly see them as well (has to do with college, university, work etc etc).

But the real world has dissappointed me too much to care. I got called names over and over again. I can still remember the days where I travelled with public transportation, and people called me names while they didn't know me at all. (Weird, hasn't happened for a year or so any more O.o what changed?). I hardly had any friends. Now I have people who adore me, but they only know the online me.

How real am I? I'm starting to wonder that. Most people only know a digital me, and I often wonder, if they saw and knew the real me, would they still like me? Or in some cases, even adore me? There are people who adore my drawingskills. There are people who think I'm funny. There are people who think I can handle flamers like a charm.
But in real life, I'm not that funny. I'm not that assertive.

It's like there are two people living inside me. The Cool Kitty Ocean.... and the Silent and Boring *insert real name*.

I want to be cool in real life as well.