I close my eyes,
afraid of what I'll find.
How can people expect me to see,
when others are so blind.'
I went to my swimming club's volunteer night. They had a party for us (I'm a volunteer there) and I was very happy to see Karin, from my work, wasn't there. I had quite a lot of fun until we heard what we would do that night: Petanque.
Most people know Petanque as Jeu des Boules (just hope I spelled everything right); where you have to throw your balls close to 1 tiny wooden ball (Often played in France). There is just one tiny thing: When a game includes balls, I suck at it. I can't play any ball game!!
If it wasn't bad enough that we would play a game I suck at, they HAD to make it a competition, with prizes, as well as a prize for the WORST player. Not only that, we couldn't pick teams ourselves so I was put with 1 person I knew against a whole pile of people I didn't know. And in the 2nd competition I didn't knew any of my team members.
That depresses me. It takes the fun away from me. Not only that, the first 2 rounds I never scored at all. We held a 3rd round since we had time left and I did score a few points. It's good to have your father as an opponent. He was so annoying I threw his balls away =D.
So, that was the only fun part. And when we had a break, no one even noticed how silent I was. I missed my best friends. When the prizes were handed out I was so afraid I would be the worst. Luckily I wasn't. I was 38 out of... 42 or so? This sucks. That depresses me even more! It just prooves how much I suck at ball games! The only game I usually play with a dash of success is DodgeBall; since I can dodge really well. I sometimes end up being the only player left.
When we went home my dad said that maybe it was a nice idea to go out more often. I told him what those boys did a few posts ago. I asked him if he knew how it feels to go out and only hear insults coming your way. Boys only make fun of me and even being with my friends doesn't matter.
So I asked him once more: 'Do you know how that feels? That boys make pig sounds? That boys tell you you are sexy and that they want to go out with you, and then laugh their lunges out? Do you know that?' He didn't. I don't think he understands anyway. For the first time in ages I went to bed crying.
And I still feel like crying. I so want to live, but how can I live in a world with so much shallow people?