It's not so bad... no, it's not so bad if you have friends like I have.
Today I got the result of a project I really hoped to become part off... I was really worried they wouldn't give me a chance because I accidentally missed an appointment (found the note one day after the appointment- not my fault), but it turns out that appointment was to let me know I didn't get in.
I really wanted to be part of that project. It would give me way more internship than that 1 day in a week. At this moment school isn't challenging at all. I was so hoping to get in. But, I am not. At first I was furious, then not understanding why (Mrs. H. gave a lot of reasons, but I forgot most of them) and final sadness.
The typical reaction for a disappontment I would say. And it's not fair! They judged me on 1 freaking meeting and let me feel very good about it! They gave me false hope! Everyone, really everyone I know doesn't understand why I didn't get in. My study-mentor just called me and I just could hear the unbelief in his voice. Another dissappoint me.
Sure, I tried to stay brave while calling, but I was about to cry again. I so wanted to get in (I think I already mentioned that), but I-chan helped me seeing it on a positieve way: It's their loss. They didn't want to take the risk with me? FINE! Then they'll miss the best teacher they could ever have in their project! Then they'll miss the best storyteller they could ever get! Who else can keep todelers gasping about a 15 minute story? How many people have that gift of storytelling?
So, it's their loss. I called my dad and named the reasons I could remember:
- They don't think I suit well in a team (they should see me at swimming class, my work, Serenay Moon, Ato Masayume (NEW PROJECT PEEPS!) and Maryoku)
- They didn't hear what they wanted to hear (I just told them who I was- what else should I have done? LIE?!)
- They didn't want to take the risk with me (There were more reasons- see how much I forgot? I should have noted them...)
Mrs. H, my personal internship counselor *waves at Mrs. H!* told me that this project would have been a good choice for me to help me devellop. She talked to the 'judges', but couldn't convince them. Thanks for trying Mrs. H.
Mr. B, my study mentor, who just called, was astounded as well. I sounded so brave I think... telling him it's THEIR loss and too bad, maybe some other project is better for me. I need to think it's their loss, otherwise I won't make it.
My dad asked if it was possible to 'raise an appeal' (is that the right phrase? 2nd opinion maybe?) but if even Mrs. H couldn't do anything... what is left to do? Sure, I could cry about it for hours (which I would really love at this moment), but what is the use? Wouldn't get me in anyway. Mrs. H suggested talking to those 'judges' but I don't want to. I don't even want to see them the following weeks! They stabbed me in the back with their nice smiles and good luck wishes! And what would be the use? Will it get me in? No... so why try? Why bother?
I-chan said that the good things would be that I would have more time. She's right. Then I would have enough time for Serenay Moon, Forever Young and all those big stories of mine. I could draw more... but do I really want that? No... because each time I draw under class... it means I'm wasting my time there. I just want an intresting education! Which it is! But the theory is so... useless, easy and unchallenging!
J-guy was astounded as well. He didn't understand it at all, and especially the reasons. We talked for about half an hour and he said they were stupid for letting me go. He did get in btw.
Mom feels very sorry for me and is a bit confused. I don't think she understands how much I wanted it, but she's there for me. She says that things will work out.
I might do another project next year, which will be harder and faster than the school I'm following now. It means more internship and more selfstudy. At this moment I don't want to think of any projects.
All assignments (but one, but I couldn't hand it in today if I have to go to 5 appointments in July- would weird then ne?) handed in, just 3 more finals (which I'm almost positive I'll pass- I still have to study... enough said about how challenging this school is?) and the year is over. Summer Vacation is calling my name.
Their loss. They didn't want me to proove myself, well it's their loss. All I think about now is those 3 finals and my stories and drawings.
And sleep. I love sleep. Slept so little... *yawns*
Everyone, thank you for your great support!
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One more thing. Thursday I told a story to my todlers. Usually after 6 minutes the first todler turns around and doesn't pay attention any more... which every group activity you have, you always get drop outs. But, it's not their fault. Thursday I told a story, a short version of my 'Closet behind the Classroom'. I said: 'It's going to be a scary story!' And after 15 minutes... All kids still gasped at me. They thought it was so exiting! NO KID TURNED AROUND! BEAT THAT!
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Okay, one more thing. Remember a certain Jerk-Mentor which I had in my internship beginning this year? I saw one of the students again and (She still called me Miss Kitt!) she told me that Jerk-Mentor was way worse after I left. He looks like he hardly sleeps and with rehersing for the school-musical, he gets furious when 1 kids accidentelly messes up. All the kids are dying to get our of his class. So, I hate him, the kids hate him... only his collegues don't hate him... mm... guess I didn't do that bad then ne? At least the kids liked ME!
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LAST THING. Because of this depressing day, I treated myself on a DVD from 'Help! I'm a Fish!' (Blub ik ben een Vis). Such a cute movie. And exiting as well. It inspired me to write Ato Masayume (A Dream that comes True) with Uumie. I still have to design my character Sou. She looks too... normal, old and 'average magical girl heroine'; but then an American version =S. Like the Serena - 'Sailor Moon goes Saban' version. Long blond wavy hair... I want my Sou to be original and cool!! So, back to the drawing board! I do have some ideas, but... she's not perfect yet!!!
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Mrs. H also told me I would be great as a teacher for High School... I can barely get the 6th grade (our last class before High School) to listen to me! How on earth should I keep THEIR attention??
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Okay, I'm done now... I hope...